Clarkson: Ok, so here we are in the Orkney islands about to take up Hammond's simply stupid challenge to sail a Laser-
May: - called Lisa -
Clarkson: - to sail a Laser with the stupid name of Lisa across the Atlantic and from here its an 88 nautical mile passage to the next stop, the Shetlands.
Hammond: That's not too bad, really, don't laugh, in a decent wind that's a 12 hour or so sail and if we take in turns that 4 hours each, look we can do that!
May: But not in this howling gale.
Hammond: Ok, maybe these aren't the ideal weather conditions
Clarkson: Who's going to join me in a cultural exploration of the Orkneys?
May: If you're thinking what I'm thinking, then yes!
Clarkson: Where to go first? Highland Park or Scapa?
May: Neither, a pub which has both whiskeys!
Clarkson: You're on, lets go somewhere dry with a roaring peat fire.
They head off, fade out.
Fade in to: sunny day, blue skies, gentle breeze and a sandy beach where Lisa the Laser is on her trailer.
Hammond (in a dry suit): Ok, so this is it. The weather forecast guru's have said we have a 24 hour window to do the crossing: if we leave now we'll get the tide and should be at the Shetlands by sunset.
May: And as it was all his idea, Hammond goes first
Clarkson: Me and May will stay safely in the support boat.
They launch the Laser, Hammond climbs on and sails off.
Hammond: I'm off, next stop the Shetlands, see you in 4 hours for the handover!
Clarkson and May watch him sail off.
Clarkson: We could just let him do it himself and head off to the pub again.
May: But you did get banned from every pub on every island
Clarkson (sighing): I guess we better go.
They climb in the waiting RIB and head out to the support boat.
EXT: Hammond sailing along in the open see.
Hammond: This is just superb sailing. Moderate winds, gentle swell, making nearly 10 knots, should be there in plenty of time.
Voice over (May): All went fine for Hammond's leg, then of course it was Clarkson so things went wrong.
EXT: Inside support boat by radio set
Clarkson voice from radio: Mayday! Mayday! Mayday!
May: Oh sea-cock, what's up now
They go outside and look over side at Clarkson, who seems to be sailing along quite nicely
Hammond (yelling): What's up now?
Clarkson: There's a shark - I saw a shark, I promise you!!
A fin breaks the surface just past Lisa
Clarkson: Look - look!!
Hammond (quietly to May): This is too good to waste, lets tell him its a great white.
May: No, he'll only panic
Hammond (shouting): But its a basking shark you wally, won't hurt a fly!
Clarkson: But its huge!!
Shark swims off.
Clarkson: Ok, that's it, time for May to take over.
Cut to: May comes on deck in dry suit and climbs into the RIB which heads over to Lisa and then Clarkson and May swap places
Clarkson: It's north remember, north, which is that way (he points)
May: No problem, see you at the Shetlands
May sails off. Cut to:
Ext: Beach on the Shetlands at sunset. Lisa is being sailed towards the beach by May. As it comes ashore with a crunch:
May: And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how you do that!
Clarkson (opening a champagne bottle): We did it! We are ambitious and not crap!
Hammond (taking a glass): Hate to break it to you but we have two more hops to go before we get to Iceland, and that's only the beginning...
What will happen next? Can this trio really cope with the longest leg of all, from the Faroes to Iceland, 240 nautical miles non-stop across some of the most treacherous waters on the planet?
Tune in after the advert break to find out....