The Tales of Buffman

G'day all! Buff Staysail here! Buff by name and Buff by nature!

You know I'm most at home in the bar, beer glass to hand, surrounded by friends.

Take last night: after the excitement of Saturday when I got the University Boat Race scoop, I wanted a spot of Buff-time, and after a couple of drinks, or maybe a few more, my mates got round to asking the key questions.

"Buff" they said "we know you're an internationally renown sailing correspondent with your own show on Queensland Community TV - but what about Buff the man? What about Buff and the women in his life?"

And so after another glass or two more I told them three sad tales from the days when Buff was younger.

First there was Olympia - ah, sweet Olympia, whose beauty made me swoon! I couldn't resist but declared my love and we danced and danced and danced. Alas then I sort of over did it and we spun off the club floor and it turned out she wasn't real but a manikin or a robot or something. Bit of a let down really.

After that I saw sense and fell for the fair Antonia. She had a voice that was as sweet as honey - I didn't have to listen to what she said just gulp down the sounds as if they were peaches and cream. Alas she had this weird disease and she sang and sang and then collapsed dead. Must admit Buff was a bit bummed by that.

So that's when I met Giuletta. Now to be honest she wasn't entirely the sort of lady me ol' ma would approve of, but play your cards right you'd be guaranteed a good night, if you know what I mean! Alas she drank poison and dropped down dead too.

I think that's right: must admit after more than a couple of drinks it all goes a bit hazy.

This is Buff Staysail, nursing a bit of a hangover, heading off to bed.


Ed: Oh dear, I think Buff's got a bit confused between last nights drinking session and a trip a few weeks ago to the English National Opera at the Coliseum.

A superb production of The Tales of Hoffman which alas has ended but if it returns is well worth catching.