Review of the blogging year 2009

Recently have been lucky enough to have access to the very latest Google technology, which is literally ahead of its time. Having indexed every page available now or at any time in the past of the internet’s short history, Google started investigating if it could also index pages in the future.

The recent shut-down of CERN was not actually due to mechanical failure but its secret use by Google to open a time-domain worm-hole using a negative energy charged black hole.

And they succeeded! Unfortunately due to Google’s rather strict terms and conditions, useful pages (race winners, stock market movements etc) are presently unavailable. But as part of the pre-Beta program JP was asked to test the service and have been tracking the sailing and water sport blogs of 2009 – and what a year it was/will be!!

Tillerman managed to get to the Laser World Series and in a hilarious set of posts blogged how he beat the other man to become official World Champion Laser Grandfather, winning his last race despite being dragged across the finish line trailing behind his boat with just one foot in the straps.

Adam bumped into Robin Knox-Johnson in a pub in Cowes and they had a great discussion about what really happened on the Golden Globe. They managed to contact Donald Crowhurst via an ouja board who revealed the truth about the final days of his life and the meaning of the weird pages of his diaries. They then co-wrote a best selling book on the subject.

Bonnie won the lottery and moved to Hawaii where she runs a sea kayak school though occasionally visits the big apple to see what a mess they are making of her beloved water front.

Kat was kidnapped by the Dread Pirate Roberts, but didn’t seem to be as upset about it as you might expect, muttering something about “as you wish”.

O’Docker was indeed made first secretary of the Navy until that unfortunate incident with the Wrens – photos of which entertained many on Neversealand.

Pirate Wench Jolea landed a job on the 150 yacht of an elderly multi-millionaire who took a bit of a shine to her before alas suffering a heart attack. In his recently changed will he left her all his money together with the yacht, for which she is now recruiting staff (please send CVs asap).

Greg (or maybe Kris) bought the boat of his dream at a credit-crunch eye wateringly good price. He was worried that the 2008 near boating incident might have put the kids off sailing but they seemed to be keen to go too so they could “make sure dad doesn’t mess up again”.

Edward got the scoop of the year by rescuing none other than Paul Canyard when his Volvo 70 was dismasted, then went on to the win the offshore race and claim the Volvo 70 as salvage.

Alas due to the quantum exclusion principle of search engines it was not possible to discover what my 2009 will look like. If you could please sign up for this programme and tell me what I can expect I’d be very grateful. You must go to Google in 3 months 3 days time and search for “future web”.

I just know that you will find it.