Top Yacht: Star in our standard Laser

Top Yacht logo & post advert theme

INT: Top Yacht studio, usual three presenters, studio audience, various boats hanging behind etc

Clarkson: Welcome back. We'll have more on our cross channel race later in the show, but now its time to put a star in our standard Laser.

This week we don't just have a legend, he's the sort of guy legends call legendary. He is officially the most successful musician ever, he's a quarter of the greatest band of all time, he is the one and only SIR PAUL McCARTNEY!

Audience cheers! Sir Paul McCartney walks up and shakes hands with Clarkson, who does a "we're not worthy" bow.

Clarkson: I can not tell you how much I've been looking forward to meeting you.

McCartney: Thank you, its good to be here.

Clarkson: strokes his legs as per Reeves and Mortimer and turns to the audience: (whispers) He's really here!

Audience laughs!

Clarkson: So Sir Paul, what's your sailing history?

McCartney: I've always enjoyed a bit of sailing when on holiday, its a good way to unwind, to get relaxed.

Clarkson: We've noticed that. This seems to be you on a Sunfish.

They show the following picture on the tv:

The audience laughs.

Clarkson: You don't seem to be doing that much sailing!

McCartney: As you can see it worked and when that was taken was feeling really relaxed.

Clarkson: So your lap, how do you think it went?

McCartney: It was good, Aqua Stig was fantastic. Does he ever take off those clothing?

Clarkson: You mean the all weather gear? No, for the Aqua Stig all weather means just that - he wears it whatever the weather!

Audience laughs

Clarkson: Done much Laser sailing?

McCartney: A little, in between sailing the Sunfish: a good fun sailing boat

Clarkson: Shall we see his lap?

Audience: Yes!

Clarkson: Roll the tape!

EXT: Out on the Top Yacht race course, McCartney is sailing back and forth in a Laser Radial.

Clarkson (voice over): So you're ready for the start, good positioning

Gun goes off, McCartney sails across line

Clarkson (voice over): Heading off on port tack, interesting...

McCartney (voice over): Well there was no other boats to worry about so I thought I'd try and do the windward leg in two tracks

McCartney sails his Laser Radial towards the windward mark.

Clarkson (voice over): Looking good, keeping the boat nice and flat

McCartney tacks.

Clarkson (voice over): Oooh... not sure about that, looks a bit soon

McCartney (voice over): It was!

McCartney tacks twice to get round the mark

Clarkson (voice over): Nice tidy turn.

McCartney sails downwind

Clarkson (voice over): hmm... not sure about that

McCartney (voice over): I remember the Aqua Stig said something about to sit but when I was out there clear forgot.

McCartney gybes, the boat rolls alarmingly as he crosses over

Clarkson (voice over): Nearly! Almost got you in then! Now you're almost there.....

McCartney crosses the line

INT. Back to studio: audience applauds

Clarkson, indicating the board: So where do you think you are?

McCartney: I have no idea, hopefully better than Sting!

Clarkson: Oh, yes, you're above him. You did in it.... (he pauses dramatically) in 5 minutes 25 seconds!!!

Audience cheers!

Clarkson: You're third!

McCartney: That's great, very pleased by that.

Clarkson: Well its been an absolute dream come true to have you in the studio, ladies and gentlemen, Sir Paul McCartney!!!