Monday, November 24, 2014

The sailing shrink will see you now

So? Youv had a dream, yah? Ve're vorried?

No problem, ve can help vou with vis, yah, and analyze yous dreams.

I had a client, let us say his name vos JP, yas? He had vis dream, he vas vanting to buy a boat, a yacht, vor tha sailing, yas? It had to be strong, tough yuz understand, vor the ice. He vanted to go north.

But therez a problem. Yah, interesting the problem iz. Money. Viz boat would cost money, lotz of it and JP he'z be vorried.

So in hiz dream he think he waitz 'til be vins da lottery. Vot does this mean, he asked?

I tell him big problemz, need many, many sessions. So JP he not listen and go away. So I need new problemz, yah, to vork with.

You helpz maybe? What be your problems, eh?

You've dreamed sailing, yas?


Tillerman said...

Dear Dr. Shrink,

I have a friend (no really it's not about me - I'm asking for a friend) who is seriously delusional. He says he wants to be like Robin Knox-Johnston when he grows up.

What would you recommend for him…

a) Stand under a cold shower for 2 weeks tearing up 20 pound notes?

b) Buy a Laser and sail all winter at Queen Mary?

c) Buy a gallon of rum?

d) All of the above?

JP said...

Yas, Mister Tillerman, vis is very interesting ... hmmm... let me think.

Your name, in particular, my dear friend Dr Zigmund Freud would be verrrryy interested in. Vot does it imply in ve unconscious?? Hmmm??? The "tiller" we all know is but a symbol.

And vor questions, indeed, they point to many, many izues. The mental azociation between money and health, the suggestion to sail in vinter not warmer climes, when combined with the cold shower reference, and the use of zubztances as a coping mechanism, yah, thiz iz very interesting.

I zuggest many, many izues to address. Tell me vot is troubling you, eh? Have you had zome dreams you do not understand? Tell uz all.

Tillerman said...

Dear Dr. Shrink,

At this time of year I find that I have recurring dreams about sailing in warm water in long rolling waves and winning bottles of rum and of steel band music and wearing loud Hawaiian shirts and of yoga before breakfast by a swimming pool and the smells of frangipani wafting on the trade winds and lying in a hammock.

What can it possibly mean?


PS I sometimes worry that my tiller is too long.

JP said...

Haz, yez, Mister Tillerman, your case bringz me to mind Dr Zigmund's classic "The tiller: extension of the male psych or myth?", alas now out of print even in the original German. It would explain so much better than I could advize.

It is important you tell more: you sayz you wear Hawaiin shirtz before breakfast? This is classic criez of help zymptom. I suggest a complete rezt cure, pozzibly the weather is getting too much, hmmm?

Think! In ze dream, was the rum drunk or not? Zis is critical for this case!!

Tillerman said...

The rum is always gone. Always. Why?

JP said...

If ze rum is gone zen zis explainz everything, ze shirt, ze frangipani and zo on.

Zis case is clear!

Tillerman said...

Dear Dr. Shrink,

Please help me.

Last night I had the strangest dream.

I dreamed I was back with my former employer and they wanted me to take on an exciting and challenging new assignment in Belarus.

I was very proud to be chosen for this job but I didn't even know where Belarus is on the map. So we looked on a map.

In my dream, Belarus was a small principality on the Black Sea. (I know it isn't in real life.)

My assignment had something to do with IT (my real career) but also involved some dangerous helicopter landings and rappelling down some rocks near a castle where the Prince of Belarus lives.

My employer's business in Belarus was a doughnut factory. They had bought this business in eastern Asia and relocated it to Belarus to serve the European doughnut market.

What does all this mean?


PS There was no rum in this dream.

JP said...

Zis is very interesting... indeed my dear friend Zigmund would be fascinated.

Firstly letz consider the "Belarus" question. As a sailor Belarus is an enigma, a land-locked country with no coastline, it reprezents the dream, the impossible, the yearning.

And zen ve have the Prince and flying. Zis too is clear. Who is the prince of sailing? Zis must be Ben Ainzlie, yas? And flying? Zis is clearly foiling.


We put zis together and ze meaning is clear. Vor subconsious is exzitted about ze America's Cup World Zeries coming to England next vear!

Zis is indeed exciting. I vould suggest that a little rum would be an appropriate response, to zelebrate vis.

Tillerman said...

I am also excited about the rumours of the return of the America's Cup event itself to the British Empire - or "British Overseas Territories" as it is euphemistically called these days. Do you think that there is any chance of Princess Anne being involved in some way if the Cup comes to Bermuda?

And what about the doughnuts? What do they mean?

JP said...

Ze doughnuts (or "donuts" as my dear friend Zigmund would say) are a symbol of wanting or need. Combined with the rest of the dream it iz the subconscious calling for you to "eat" the America's Cup. Zis meanz you should travel to one of the events, vether at Portzmouth or Bermuda.

Tillerman said...

We saw the AC45s racing when the ACWS came to Newport. Have they announced all the locations for the upcoming series yet?

JP said...

I'm not sure about all of them, but today it was announced there's going to be ACWS in Portsmouth in both 2015 and 2016: