The BBC's Diamond Jubilee River Pageant Coverage

The BBC has taken a lot of flack for its coverage of the Queen's Diamond Jubilee Thames River Pageant - but was it justified? Let's find out with this transcript of an exert:

Sassi Tweet

Fab, thanks studio, Canaletto was a painter, who knew, I thought it was an ice cream! But wow isn't this great, like, I dunno hundreds of boats are like heading upriver!! I mean look at that!

Blurred shot of rain drops

Sassi Tweet

Look at that one - its really big, goldy and red. 

OMG I am getting soooooo wet! My hair is a mess!!

In the background the Queen's barge passes by

Sassi Tweet

But who cares? I'm an old Glasto hand! So isn't this exciting! Let's talk to some people chosen completely at random.

Cut to family with faces painted with Union Jacks

Sassi Tweet

So are you excited? Do you think this historic?

Family with faces painted with Union Jacks

Yes, we are very excited, its so historic-

Sassi Tweet

Wow, there you go, what real people think!! Ok, back to the pageant thingy!

In the background more boats are going by.

Sassi Tweet

I dunno, do those rowers look fit or what? OMG lets talk clothes - is this dress right or what? It's red, white and blue - geddit!!

In the background more boats are going by, bells are ringing, horns blowing.

Sassi Tweet (finger in ear)

I've been told we've going to listen to some of the music on the barges

Cut to the barge playing Handel's Water Music. After two bars cut to

Sassi Tweet

Wow, that's like classic or something, like really historic, like some of those buildings. They're, you know, like ironic or something.

Laughs

No I mean iconic, not ironic! Almost messed up there! We'd have to come back again next week!!

But seriously, isn't her Highness the Queen absolutely fabulous!! She's a bit like Madonna - don't you just luv her!!

Ok, now what's going on right now? Lets to turn to our boat expert Tim someone

Tom Cunliffe

Well that's a really interesting boat that's passing now, it was built-

Sassi Tweet

Wow, thanks Tim that was great, thanks, but now lets talk about tomorrow. I'm told that Kylie and Cheryl will both be singing live - I can not wait!!

Puts finger in ear again.

Sassi Tweet

Its been living history here, spectacular, joyous .... er... historic.... er but now its time to go back to the studio to mention Canaletto's picture again!!

What could possibly be wrong with that?

Diamond Jubilee: Buff's sad story

G'day all! Buff Staysail here! Buff by name and Buff by nature!

Jeez, what can I say? It's not my fault, really, its that Laser.

It was all going so well despite the pommy rain, nipping in between the boring motor boats, having a laugh about how those rowers "do it backwards" until just after going under Tower Bridge (how cool was that?) I realised we were about to pass the Queen.

Obviously I wanted to do the right thing so stood up to salute at which point the stupid boat tipped over. I mean, honestly, who designed such a ridiculous thing?

So I goes head first into the drink - no dry capsizes here - but Buff had done this before, sort of, so knew the drill. Something about standing on the dagger board and then clambering in as it comes up.

Well I got back on-board ok, but felt this cool air around my privates and rain drops on my bum: my shorts and boxers had stayed in the Thames!

Fecking jeez was that police boat angry. You'd have thought the Queen hadn't seen an arse before.

Before you could say "transported for life" I was hauled away and spent the rest of the afternoon "at her majesty's pleasure".

This is a humbled Buff Staysail, just wanting to hand back to JP asap, over and out!

Diamond Jubilee: Buff's Web Cam

G'day all! Buff Staysail here! Buff by name and Buff by nature.

Well yours truly is unable to give a live commentary as I'm out there sharing the Thames with royalty! Yes that's right, Buff has a starring role in the big event.

But fear not, because Buff has set up a Web Cam thingy so those not actually in London today (yes I mean you JP) can watch the proceedings.

If it gets stuck just hit F5 to refresh.

Now I've got to go - there's a Diamond Jubilee out there with Buff's name on it.

This is Buff Staysail, over and out!

Diamond Jubilee: Buff's in the flotilla!

G'day all! Buff Staysail here! Buff by name and Buff by nature!

Yes, you heard that right - Buff has a place in the once in a lifetime - jeez, who am I kidding - once in three hundred years event!! The 1,000 boat Queen's Diamond Jubilee Pageant on the Thames - or regatta, I'm so excited I can't work out which - will now include yours truly.

I was just doing my journo bit, pounding the towpath getting quotes from the organisers and participants when what should I hear but "Laser for Mr Tillerman? Laser for Mr Tillerman?"

As a celebrity sailor and one time attendee on the Tillerman Laser Master's Course it was clear where my duty lay.

"Here I am" I said. "I'm Tillerman."

After signing a few forms the Laser was mine and I headed out onto the Thames, ready to play my part!!

Come back tomorrow to hear how it went!

This is Buff Staysail, Queen's Diamond Jubilee pageant participant, over and out!!


ps - sorry JP, won't be able to do that live commentary. But don't worry, I've a web cam all set up

Where to watch the Queen's Jubilee Pageant

There's a lot of riverbank to choose from, so  here are some thoughts on how to select your spot.

Firstly it looks like its going to be wet, so the best places will be buildings by the river, apartments and offices i.e. indoors. The trouble is they'll be in hot demand so its time to have contacts and pull in some favours. One organisation I know with offices by the Thames is having a family day - how cool is that.

Then remember its a long way from Putney Bridge to Cadogan Square where the Queen boards her boat, so if you're upriver you'll miss a lot, though there are big screens being set up.

Another problem is a lot of the good locations are off limits, like the bridges obviously, for security reasons. Then some places have been reserved for functions, like around the Tower:

That still leaves a lot of choice.

Couple of things to think about are:

• is there shelter?
• what's the backdrop for photos?
• how crowded will it be?

I'd have thought somewhere with an icon like the Houses of Parliament or London Eye the other side of the river would be good but again that's likely to be crowded.

Maybe somewhere further down stream around the Millennium Bridge with the big poster, the Globe and the Shard as background?

Oh and there are lots of portaloos appearing on the bridges.

Good luck!

Boats and Bunting

Today I had a meeting in town, a tough one, but there were two silver linings.

Firstly the time and location meant I could get the Putney river bus into central London, following the same route as the Queen will on Sunday. Both banks were lined with red, white and blue, what must have been miles of bunting.

Secondly after it finished I could spend my lunch hour wandering around London and Tower Bridges camera to hand where the first of the Parade of Sail were arriving.

So here are a couple of pics for you:

Bonus marks for identifying the boats and their history.

It was all a lot quieter up river between Putney and Hammersmith, where the boats are due to arrive tomorrow:

Diamond Jubilee Fever

London is going Queen's Diamond Jubilee crazy!

Bunting is going up in shops and across roads, street parties are being planned by the thousands, stores are advertising everything from Pimms (oh, yes please) to coloured cupcakes (no thanks).

There's a whole 4 day weekend of events from racing (horses that is), mega gig outside Buck P. (questionable line up if you ask me), carriage procession, church service (its not all fun), a flyby (writing QEII in the sky) and finally the real QEII herself on the balcony to do her waving thing.

Of course the highlight is the 1,000 boat pageant of boats on the Thames: as many ships for one woman as when Helen of Troy made Paris's heart go into thumping overdrive.

A lot more information is available out there, from the BBC's dedicated subsite to the newspapers (e.g. the Guardian's downloadable map here. Techies might be interested to note its being hosted on Google Drive), London focus sites like LondonTown.com have their own take here and of course the official site here.

On the Thames Jubilee Pageant site as well as the map shown above you can also find a lot of information about some of the boats taking part including:

• Fireboats
• Dunkirk Little Ships
• Avenue of Sail (which are separate and moored below London Bridge)
• Historic + Service boats
• Human powered boats (or at least that's what they should be called)
• Recreational motorboats
• Explore Vessels (not entirely sure what that means but they sound and look interesting)
• Narrowboats (I've seen them a few times)
• Kayaks (if rowers toss oars what do kayakers do?)
• Barges 
• Herald Music Barges (can they Handel the pressure - geddit???)
• Passenger Boats
• Royal Squadron

Plus without downloadable PDFs there are working boats, flags of the pageant and a whole swarm of police launches, RNLI orange specials, mean and menacing Royal Marines and the PLA to keep everyone in order.

Phew! What a list! Should be absolutely amazing even if the weather is threatening to be historically appropriate.

But I'm going to miss almost it all.

Ah well, there'll be another one in 350 years or so and Buff assures me that he has it all under control.

Diamond Jubilee's Biggest Poster and Culture in Stone

When Liz goes boating next weekend (along with 1,000 other vessels) she will pass this epically big poster from the Silver Jubilee back in 1977.

100 x 70 metres it has been hung on the sides of Sea Container house between Waterloo and Blackfriars.

I was a bit worried about the office workers stuck behind it, their windows darkened by the royal images, as in years gone by I've been to many a meeting there. But fortunately it's currently being renovated.

At its base you'll find the Gallery@Oxo which is currently showing an exhibition of Shona sculpture from Zimbabwe called "Culture in stone" - small but well worth visiting.

More pictures from: Culture in stone

Diamond Jubilee Top Tip

I was thinking of getting the iPad app The Thames: London's Crown Jewel but it only got 2 out of 5 stars on the Telegraph's tech column.

Not having bought it I save myself £ 1.99 but am unable to say whether that is a fair review or not.

All is not lost, as instead I suggest you make your way over to the BBC for their interactive section on the Queen's Diamond Jubilee Thames Pageant where they show:

• the route
• music barges
• moored boats
• recreation boats
• working boats
• historic boats
• lead boats

Boats it mentions includes the Matthew of Bristol, Suhaili, the Golden Hinde, many narrowboats, some Thames barges, the Alaska, fireboats, HSL-102, lifeboats, Dunkirk little ships, Cutters, Cornish pilot, racing gigs, skiffs, longboats, gondolas, lifeboats, kayaks, dragon boats, shallops, a Viking longboat and of course Gloriana.

Well worth heading over and having a look.

Putney river bus runs aground

Uh oh!

This is the Putney river bus hard aground earlier this week. It was stuck on a mud bank for 20 minutes or so, blocking half of the river, prop churning white foam, turning grey waters brown.

If this were to happen during the Queen's Diamond Jubilee 1,000 boat parade it would be bad.

The Thames Barrier is meant to be raised during the pageant to ensure sufficient water but will it be enough?

At low water the Thames isn't that deep - see here and here for more information.

Queen's Diamond Jubilee - update

Excitement is building for the Queen's Diamond Jubilee and the 1,000 boat parade on the Thames.

To give you a flavour here are just a couple of the flood of updates:

• The National Maritime Museum has an exhibition called Royal River: Power, Pageantry and the Thames (see picture above)
• There's an article about the exhibition from curator and historian David Starkey about the Thames being 'liquid history'
• They say that nothing on this scale has been seen on the Thames since the days of Charles II
• It is expected to take 75 minutes for the flotilla to pass by on its way under 14 bridges
• To get really into the diamond spirit, CPO Diamond on HMS Diamond is to receive a Diamond Jubilee medal
• The lead boat will be the rowing barge Gloriana, powered by Olympic oarsmen Steve Redgrave and Matthew Pinsent.
• A flyby is planned with the Royal Air Force spelling out ERII in the skies.
• Not all the boats will be joining the parade on the Thames: in particular those Tall Ships that are unable to fit under bridges will remain in the Pool of London - see video here.
• There's been gossip about how the Queen might actually be dreading "the ship thing"
• The mayor certainly isn't dreading the day, saying how it will be better than Dunkirk (well, duh)
• Security has been increased after the boat race fiasco
• The royal couple, William and Kate (bless), will be on-board the Queen ceremonial barge
• The barge will be decorate with a sculpture of Old Father Thames and decorated with half a million gold coloured buttons 
• As the boats pass the MI6 building the musical barges will play the theme from James Bond and the Dambuster's theme as they pass the MoD building
• There's an App for that - yes, go to iTunes to download an application that describes the Thames over the route the regatta will take

There was also this post of mine about preparations - and yes, those mooring buoys are appearing as if the Thames has an outbreak of yellow spotted measles.

Any more good links?


Picture from: the NMM

Queen's Jubilee: Charge of the narrow boats

More preparations for the Queen's Jubilee Pageant, this time for the narrow boats.

Unlike the animals on Noah's arc these came three by three:

Despite the number of boats not being a multiple of three the organisers seem to have it better under control than the last rehearsal:

Clipboard and a megaphone - good to see the keep it simple spirit of blighty still alive.

Rowing into the sunset

Yesterday was a lovely evening and I enjoyed watching this historic rowing boat out for a practice session, quite likely for the Queen's Jubilee pageant.

Maybe someone knows her background?

Victoria's London vs. Elizabeth's London

This year is the Queen's Diamond Jubilee; Liz's that is, not Vicki's.

Queen Victoria had her Diamond Jubilee back in 1897 and London has changed quite a bit since then - or at least parts of it have.

But not all, as can be seen by the two photos above. Greenwich has survived mostly unchanged, though of course the river traffic is very different: faster but less elegant.

More in a new book called The Queen's London.


Picture from: The Telegraph here.

New boat on the Thames

I've seen many boats on the Thames but not this one.

Further down the river HMS Ocean has squeezed its way through the Thames Barrier. Meanwhile up in the skies there are meant to be some mean flying things too - but its been cloudy so I haven't seen any of those Typhoons.

Pre Olympics it's hotting up in London town, except weather wise its rather cold.

London Kayakathon 2012

There's so much going on in London its impossible to keep up.

Apparently back in 2010 someone had the great idea of having a kayaking marathon on the Thames on the same day as the London Marathon. This year was the third outing, but the first I've caught: no doubt the previous two either missed or pigeon holed as just yet another group out on the river.

It's called a "Kayakathon"  which to be honest sounds a little close to the "Jubilympics" of the wonderful "Twenty Twelve" docu-comedy just finished on the Beeb.

Anyhow congrats to all of those taking part and in particular well done for avoiding getting run down by Kingwood (above).

There is that little voice in my head saying that as the river is tidal the distance through the water isn't 26.2 miles but I've just told it to shut up its all about raising money for charity and I didn't see you heading out on the water!

"So its all good then!" (*)

(*) my favourite quote from Twenty Twelve which I'm rather enjoying using at random but vaguely appropriate moments

Preparations for the Queen's Jubilee Pageant

You have to treat rivers and seas with respect.

There's not just the sad story over on Never Sea Land of the deaths in an offshore sailing race, as you could drown right here in Thames. Of course there are things you can do to make the sport safer - like clip on or not drink over six units of alcohol, as in this collision report.

That's a valuable lesson for the Queen's Jubilee Pageant (blogged earlier) where there's going to be a 1,000 strong flotilla of boats packed into the narrow waters of the Thames.

It helps that of course they'll mostly be going the same direction (one hopes) but still I can see why the PLA would want to do a bit of rehearsals. At least that's what I think they were doing last weekend when there were 40 - 50 boats churning up the waters.

Most in the first of two bunches of boats were plastic production line models but there were a few more interesting ones in the second (above).

Further preparations can be seen towards Hammersmith Bridge where the first of the buoys have been laid:

BTW, the vacant lot across the river in this photo is where they're going to build the exclusive riverside development "Fulham Reach" with decoration allegedly inspired by Oscar Wilde as blogged here.

Preparing for the Queen's Jubilee Regatta

On the 3rd of June 2012 a great armada will parade along the Thames.

It will be the culmination of a series of events to celebrate the Queen's Diamond Jubilee and preparations are already well under way.

Organising a flotilla of maybe a thousand boats will of course be a mammoth task. The Port of London Authority's web site has a number of notices to mariners that point to some of the key tasks.

For example if you look at notice U4 of 2012 you see a chart (above) of the areas where moorings, and lots of them, will have to be laid in the upper river by Barn Elms. More will be laid along the route, for example in Battersea, and others by London Bridge, Tower Bridge and Wapping (see M5 of 2012). These will be used before and afterwards to martial the great fleet.

Today it was announced that the Thames Barrier would be raised on the 3rd June, presumably keeping water levels high.

In case you're thinking of going for a paddle or sail that day you best check out notice to mariners No. 9 of 2012 which basically says if you're not on the list you should keep off the river.

If you want more the pageant briefing can be found here.

As to me? It looks like I'll miss it as I have a family event that weekend, but fear not: Buff will on hand to give his minute by minute, boat by boat description.

I can't wait!

Chartlet from: Port of London Authority

Pageant route from:  Thames Diamond Jubilee Pageant

Updated: See latest post here.