Don't come to London to sail

Tillerman challenged us to give reasons why he should come and sail where we lived. Alas I can honestly say that is not a good idea.

Don't get me wrong, I love London and there are lots and lots of things to do, not to least this "Ultimate walk by the Thames" . But sailing the famous river has a number of problems, including:

1. Bridges: these are even prettier and photographed more often than the Golden Gate but alas are a bit lower, as can be seen by the pic above. This is particularly a problem for boats with a mast when near high water, though at low water there is another problem, namely....

2. Shallows: the river isn't actually that deep and at low water you can almost wade across. Indeed historians think that Caesar's army forded the Thames around Putney / Fulham, on his way for his date with Boudica. So either you'll run aground or be forced into the main channel where....

3. Traffic: there are a lot of big tour, party and rubbish boats that are constrained to go right down the middle and take a dim view of leisure craft that get in the way. Sometimes they might politely give those five blasts on their horn but they might also show their displeasure at being distracted (not driving obviously, more likely from thoughts about football or The Sun) to yell at you some of those ripe words that your mother would not approve of. They might have a point as why indeed were you out there when....

4. The weather: ok, its not that bad, honest. After all I barely needed my umbrella today and it rains less than Paris ("zut alors!") but really it isn't holiday weather. Given a choice between St Lucia tropical sun and warm waters and those in Britain, well there's no doubt as to which would win. Of course when it rains there's another problem, namely....

5. The water: again, it's really not that bad - unless, that is, it rains. Then the Victorian sewage system buckles under the strain and raw yucky stuff goes directly into the river. Remember that most of the time it doesn't and as to other stuff, well no one can recall the last time someone died of Weils disease. The only trouble is the contents don't flush away nicely but wash back and forth due to....

6. Tides: they're pretty intense as the river is constrained by the Embankment and so it rushes up and down at more knots that most of us can sail without tipping over and (as noted above) we don't want to do that do we. But the currents can drive you against bridges or if in a kayak sucked under a barge so all in all a bad thing, particularly if it washes you out to sea, noting of course that...

7. The sea: it is a long way to the sea from central London. According to Google Earth it is 40 nm from Putney to Canvey Island and to be honest that's not much to write home about. Unlike.....

Hayling Island! - which is in Chichester Harbour and pretty. And clean, without bridges and tour boats, though the dubious weather, rushing tides and hidden shallows will be there too. Or Fowey or any of the many other lovely places in Britain to sail.

So I hope Tillerman enjoys the sailing on the south coast and by all means visits London for its many many treasures, including fine food and sunsets, most of which can be enjoyed indoors.

But to sail on the Thames is daft, so to do so you have to be slightly eccentric and most likely a resident, and hence someone like myself proud to call themselves a Londoner.