Saturday, December 18, 2010

The Bah Humbug Murder Mystery

Afternoon all. Inspector Lestrade of the Yard here, asking for some assistance in a tricky case of murder. Earlier today the respected philosopher Dr Pangloss was found bashed to death by a lead pipe in his library. He had been writing the following note which we hope might include clues as to circumstances of his demise:

Hello all, welcome to you my friends in this the best of all possible worlds. I've just been having words with my dear friend JP who has been saying a lot of "bah humbug" comments recently and have tried to explain to him how recent events in his life prove this to be the best of all possible worlds (TBOAPW).

The evidence is as follows:

1. The snow a few weeks ago might as JP say make the round trip to his office 4 hours but that allowed him to explore new parts of London and imagine life on the Endurance with Shakleton. Clearly TBOAPW!

2. The fog delaying his flight at Heathrow two weeks ago gave him more time to read his book. Again, clearly TBOAPW!

3. The snow being washed away in Geneva might have meant JP wasn't able to go skiing, but going home early gave him time to do his Christmas shopping and cards. Surely another example that this is TBOAPW.

4. What he has been calling a week of crisis at the office is surely a misnomer. Instead he should say there were many challenges and as we all know a challenge is just an opportunity. So he should see this as more evidence of this being TBOAPW.

5. It might be snowing again (see above) and many relatives are suffering badly from flu, meaning JP is unable to travel this weekend, but that means he can do two more days of work and catch up on all the time lost due to those many "opportunities" he had during the week. Triumphantly an example of this being TBOAPW.

6. It might be true that due to the cold a water pipe burst causing many thousands of pounds of damagers to carpets, ceilings, beds, paintwork etc etc but surely even he could see this as a wonderful opportunity to do a bit of decorating. TBOAPW etc

7. Even if the insurance company is refusing to pay up for the damage this must be a good thing because -

Lestrade again here: that's where the note stopped. As you can see its a mystery and I remain baffled. Any clues to this case please forward to me c/o Scotland Yard.


F-M Arouet said...

Dear Inspector Lestrade, The case of the Bah Humbug murder mystery is elementary. The murderer is clearly Captain JP who was driven to commit the crime by the ridiculously optimistic philosophy of Dr. Pangloss in the face of his various misfortunes this week. But, in light of the terrible provocation, it must be reckoned as justifiable homicide so I recommend you take no further action.

Your friend François-Marie

Miss Scarlett said...

Well, if it was with the lead pipe in the library, I would propose that the act was committed by Professor Plum.

O Docker said...

Oh, the shark, dear, has such teeth, dear,
And it shows them pearly white.
Just a website has JP, dear,
And his posts are hardly contrite.

Did you hear about old Pangloss, dear? He disappeared
After tweaking our mustache.
Now JP blogs like a sailor,
Could it be our boy's done somethin' rash?

JP said...

Lestrade here again: thanks for the tip Miss Scarlett. I've taken Professor Plum in for questioning, he'll be pudding in no time!