Monday, July 20, 2015

Stranger on the river - revisited

Recently I went kayaking on the Thames for the first time in.... well, lets just say a long time. Actually my paddling muscles said it was a very long time. The waterproof camera was equally underpowered and the battery went flat straight away, so no new pictures were taken. 

So I'm forced to re-post the pictures and text from the last time I went back on the river after a long gap, with suitable editorial updates.

INT: Wild west saloon, honky tonk piano bashing away, polished wood bar with assorted cowboys with their beers, miners drinking whisky etc etc. To one side are racks of kayaks, canoes, PBDs, skirts, paddles etc - the art director isn't sure about this bit.

Soundtrack: clip-clop / squeak of bike brakes / theme to The Good, the Bad and the Ugly.

There's a shadow by the door, then enter: the Stranger (JP)

All look round: the bar goes quiet.

Howdy stranger (he spits) Haven't seen you around these parts.

I've been out East

We don't want no trouble (spits again - what is it about spitting?) We want a nice safe paddle.

JP nods then walks over to the bar.

Old timer serving behind said bar
Oh my giddy eyes. God-darn it if isn't old JP. How've you been youngster? (ok I made that last bit up) You look older (alas didn't make that up)

It's been a tough 6 months, old timer. Been back East working, and had family health troubles.

Old timer
I'm right sorry to hear that JP

Enter glamorous woman, think Jane Russell / Scarlett Johansson / enter your choice here. She approaches JP and slaps him on the face

Glamorous Woman / Scarlett
That's for leaving me lonesome, you double timing no good heart-breaker (ok, totally made that bit up, but its what should have happened).

[Editors note: Still didn't happen - doh!!]

Old timer
Go easy on him, Scarlett, life hasn't been good to JP - sounds as bad as finding a rattle-snake in your jack-pants

Glamorous Woman / Scarlett
Oh you poor thing, you come here now and let Scarlett take care of you (still making it up)

[Editors note: ditto]

Old timer
No time for that Scarlett, I'm taking JP off up Thames canyon for old times sake. What you riding JP?

I'll have that fibreglass slalom kayak

Cut to: EXT: Thames Canyon. Sound track clip/clop splish/splash, backdrop ol' Father Thames

So what's new, Old Timer, looks just the same to me.

Old Timer
All the same? Haven't you seen that darn yellow monstrosity? Those PLA boys did that (he spits - its ok, they're on the river.)

[Editors note: this time we went down river not up so didn't get to see this buoy. But did get to paddle passed a barge that friends live in and say hello, which was cool]

And that?

Old Timer
(shivers) We don't talk about that JP. No good comes of asking about that.

[Editors note: the Michael Jackson tribute has gone - hurrah!!]

JP and the Old Timer go paddling upriver towards a fine sunset...

Fade to black. 

- The End -


Anonymous said...

Thank goodness your batteries have been recharged

JP said...

For the camera I decided it was time to get a new battery, and will report back next time I head out how long it lasts (probably longer than me).