Sunday, December 06, 2009

Top Yacht: The Less is More Challenge Ends

Ext: Icelandic beach, our three presenters and Lisa the Laser

Clarkson: Right, this is the big one, the crossing to Greenland, over 150 nautical miles of open water in the little boat that James insists on calling Lisa.


Clarkson: To be honest none of us are looking forward to this, its so far we will have to sail at night and its freezing cold waters that can turn storm like at a moments notice.

Hammond (in a dry suit): But we've come so far so here goes, again its up to me to start us off

He gets in the dinghy and heads out to sea.

Clarkson: Right, off to the support boat

May: I have a very bad feeling about this

Ext: offshore, May is sailing the Laser.

Voice over (Clarkson): Initially all went well, made good time and no one fell in. Then it got dark, the wind got up, and yours truly found himself in a bit of a pickle....

Ext: view from webcam attached to base of Laser's mast. It has capsized so horizon is a vertical line. Clarkson is swimming in a survival suit.

Clarkson: [Beeping] [Beep] [Beep]. This is seriously bad news. A gust plus freak wave came out the darkness and there was nothing I could do. Now I can't get back in, can't get the Laser back up and I think the light at the top of the mast has gone out - water damage no doubt. Oh [Beeb]

He tries again to get back on the Laser but is too cold, tired, inflexible, and constrained by his survival suit.

Clarkson: How can they find me in the dark now? Just have to try the old fashioned way

He cups his hand over his mouth and cries out "Help!". As he does so he lets go of the Laser which drifts away.

Clarkson: Oh my God!

Int: Support ship, sleeping quarters, May is sleeping when he is waken by Hammond

May: What now?

Hammond: This is serious, we've lost Lisa and Clarkson, its night, its cold, and survival times are pretty low at the best of times

Ext: support boat, May and Hammond rush on deck and try to scan the water with torches.

Hammond: Sh! I can hear something!

They listen and can just hear a whistle blowing in the dark

May: That must be him! Quick lets take the RIB and search for him

Ext: Clarkson is helped onboard, wrapped in blankets and rushed below

Int: Main cabin of support boat, all three presenters around a table, Clarkson drinking hot tea.

Hammond: You have no idea how lucky you are that we didn't miss you in the dark

Clarkson says nothing, just nods and shivers

May: Poor old Lisa...

Ext: coastline of Greenland, waves pounding on cliffs,

Voice over (May): Eventually we found Lisa, but it was too late, she hadn't survived the journey, being broken in two by the hard, icy cold shoreline. We had failed.....

Int: Top Yacht Studio. Audience applauds, all three presenters shake their heads.

Clarkson: Yet again we were ambitious but crap

Hammond: Forget that, you almost went the same way as Lisa and ended up smashed to pieces, drowned, frozen or simply lost at sea

May: Crossing the Atlantic by Laser might be possible but it certainly is very, very dangerous. Maybe those health and safety people have - for once - a point.

Clarkson: And with that bombshell, its good night!


Pat said...

Nice storytelling, interesting that it's not generated comments. Maybe even the more die-hard/foolhardy of the normally-capsized-boat sailing enthusiasts realize that sailing a Laser across the ocean is a rather frightful notion, and maybe even some of them realize there's No One Perfect Boat For All Things. Just maybe.

JP said...

Also the hit count went down. It could be a) they were too long posts and b) readers needed to remember previous posts.

Those that work are generally shorter and stand alone

But this is blogging so can experiment and play around with some writing ideas.

BTW, the comments widget to the right isn't working - anyone know why that might be and how to cure it?

O Docker said...

The verification word writer in India is suggesting the reason for this is 'felasive', but I think 'elusive' might be a better choice.

I'm much too new at this to figure out what people want to read, but I think fiction or song lyrics or poetry leave some wondering just how to respond, or even whom to reply to - the blogger or the fictional characters (is it OK to say 'whom' on a blog?).

I, for one, have gotten a real kick out of this series. You must be spending way too much time watching Clarkson et al - you've got their voices really nailed.

O Docker said...

And oh, I've been trying repeatedly to get the 'Recent Comments' widget to work with no luck at all.

I opted to have Feedburner take over the feed and that may have something to do with it.

JP said...

I was off sick most of last week with winter bug and the only program worth watching on day time tv is repeat after repeat of Top Gear on Dave.

I must know all of them by heart now!

Thinking of spending more time writing fiction, but not blog related.