Thursday, January 13, 2011

Buff's America's Cup Bid

G'day all! Buff Staysail here, Buff by name and Buff by nature!

Psst! Keep this one quiet will ya, got a wheeze to make your's truly loaded - and you too if want in. Buff Staysail is putting together an America's Cup syndicate. I've seen how there's big dosh to be made and I want some of it, and what's more I know how.

That Larry geezer missed a trick and Buff Enterprises is going to clean up - it should have gone to NY! This is how we make it work:

1. Mooring rights

Larry's first mistake was to go for real estate, 'cos that's limited by spare space, and there ain't much of that in the big apple. But you've got lots of water front, and just think of the money you could get by lining it with Cruise ships converted into appartments!! We're talking $$$ billions - and that leads me to the 2nd part of this scheme:

2. Short the property market

Now yours truly (actually holding company Buff ScrewU Inc) will create mind-blowing complex financial instruments that go short on what used to be NY waterfront properties that now just have views of our ships. When their value hits the floor our bank balance goes mental!! Of course it'll be routed via Mid West Main Street Family Bank so if it goes belly up the tax payers coughs up. But it won't cos of the next bit:

3. Radio Spectrum

What's worth more than property? Nothing! And the radio spectrum is just that - thin air! If NY want us there're going to have to give us 2 x 30 MHz spectrum to be taken from those lame-street broadcasters. With re-sell to the telcos we make billions and enter the high rollers and my yacht is bigger than yours. The final component is then:

4. Social Media and Marketing

It's all the buzz today, and we're going to tap in, by giving away all media - TV, games, web site, the lot - to anyone who subscribes via LinkedIn, Facebook, iPhone or Android app. And our app will suck all your connections and private data to Buff ScrewU offshore data farm (safely out of legal reach) for processing. With (say) 5 million users, each with 20 contacts we've got our mitts on 100m of the world's top people's inner secrets, and lets remember Facebook values each at $ 50 per user - that's serious money!


Ok, we've got to get those ducks in a row. My biz plan says we can flog the AC for several billions, so our campaign budget will start at $ 500 million. But according to those lawyer folks we got to start the game rolling now. We need not just a wholly owned NY yacht club but one that has held at least one race a year over two years to pass Go, so we need to get cracking.

Here's the plan: we get together, set up a NY based yacht club, hold a race (Tillerman vs Adam will do, just 100 m then back to the bar) and we're in business. Bit of VC raising, do the rounds of Wall Street (they're going to love this) and we're in the money. IPO say 2014, laughing it in 2015.

Who's with me???!!!!!


Tillerman said...

I'm in. I challenge Adam to a race from Liberty State Park, around the Statue of Liberty and back, in Lasers on the afternoon of 11 Feb 2011. Let's do lunch at Manolo's before the race. Have your people tweet my people.

Carol Anne said...

Oh, dear, I hope the New Mexico Educational Retirement Board doesn't hear of this. It sounds suspiciously like some of the investments it's already made with my pension.

O Docker said...

Biggest snag for a startup, Buff, is finding round one venture capital. You need to prime the pump to get the big boys interested.

But an overlooked revenue stream could be available in the untapped market for lower-priced class-legal Laser sails. All we need to do is buy up some cheap training sails, and, uh, 'rebrand' them for resale at a 300% markup.

Some of my former aquaintances in New Jersey could be most helpful in running such an operation. They're also very good at international importing operations, smoothing things over with local authorities, and eliminating interference from troublesome competitors.

Let me know what you think.

Baydog said...

"You think I'm funny? You mean, let me understand this cause, ya know maybe it's me, I'm a little fu**ed up maybe, but I'm funny how, I mean funny like I'm a clown, I amuse you? I make you laugh, I'm here to fu**in' amuse you? What do you mean funny, funny how? How am I funny?"

Aquaintances like this, O Docker?

O Docker said...

Ah, Baydog, so you've noticed our friends can be somewhat sensitive to dialectal nuance. That's precisely why Buff needs someone like you or me to act as a liason.

Baydog said...

Hey, Tillerman: No violence on my birthday, okay? It'll be the big five-o.

Buff Staysail said...

Good on you sport, Tillerman, knew you'd see a good thing when you seen it!!

Carol Anne: please check the small print. Lawyer people say its all about forward looking statement, bla bla bla, risk bla bla bla.

O'Docker: now you're talking, sideline in cornering the market in Laser sails then squeezing them for every cent they've got

Baydog: Yup, we need someone with "influence" within NY / NJ city and state governor to pull this off. Can't say more at this stage but this task has code name Broadwalk Empire.