Saturday, May 21, 2011

River Rapture Day

It is the day long foretold - yeh even in the Book of Outlook it was said that the 21st of May 2011 would come, and today is the day.

At JP HQ a sight strange could be seen - JP's jeans empty! Discarded as if the soul within had disappeared! And verily it was indeed the case that JP's soul had left the soil of Earth and was to be found floating upon the Sacred River.

Thanks be to our Saviour Sevylor Rio which carried JP down the great river, and much rapture was in his heart at that moment! No longer tied down by the temporal life of lawyers and other sinners but afloat upon the Thames!

But like the pilgrims of old there were challenges on the way to righteousness. The river was in ebb, taking JP not up but down river, passing Battersea Power Station where fires as hot as hell once burnt, ever on down towards the modern Sodom and Gomorrah, under Vauxhall Bridge and on-towards that nest of sinners, Westminster!

For trusting in man was shown to be false as the temporal authorities of the PLA had decreed that low water was at 11:09 GMT and at 12:30 BST the tide was still flowing out! But like a true Pilgrim JP turned his trusty kayak against the flow and headed back up river.

And he was rewarded by the elements which soon were calling JP's soul, ascending ever upriver. Passing the new Eden of Chelsea JP was greeted by a host of angels helicopters - verily three mighty Sea Knights! And they did honour him with a great roar of their engines as they circled, once, thrice, nay! verily a dozen times. And JP did sing his praises to them, calling out "Wheeeeeeeee!!!"

So it was that JP did ascend the sacred river in rapture, till he reached his reward - a bacon sandwich. And it did taste of Heaven.


O Docker said...

Amen, brother.

So good to hear that you are entered unto the kingdom of the saved. I hope that did not require offering up thy sacred number of the credit card, and yea, thy date of expiration and lo, even thy security number.

Behold the miracle of the tides that they are risen. And woe be unto him whosoever shall mistaketh the low tide for the slack tide.

JP said...

Now the light of understanding is upon me and I verily see the error of my navigation. Indeed low water is a false prophet for slack tide, particularly on flowing rivers.

Fortunately these sacred waters wash away sin with forgiveness, for to learn is to grow.