Thursday, November 24, 2011

Buff for President!

G'day all! Buff Staysail here! Buff by name and Buff by .... er... I mean my fellow Americans!

Yes, Buff Staysail is throwing his sailor's hat into the ring and entering the race for the presidency!!

But surely, Buff, you are about to ask, don't you come from Queensland, Australia?

A good question, and until recently I would have said too right cobber, till it was discovered I was actually born in Hawaii - and yes, we will have copies of the birth certificate for you once we have sorted out some Paintshop Pro technical difficulties.

But sure, Buff, your next question would be, do you think you are qualified?

Actually turns out I'm just the man for the job. You know when ol' JP goes barfing on about global warming and evolution it goes wooosh over Buff's head but it seems like that's just the ticket to get the ticket.

As to policies my corner stone is the 8-8-8 program - but hold your horses, let me explain.

Firstly, nine sounds like nein which is what a NAZI might say.

Secondly, eight sounds like ate which is what an AMERICAN would do.

Thirdly, 8 is smaller than 9 so the rich would pay less tax, and if there are any of the 1% out there reading this blog, there are significant tax benefits in funnelling your campaign contributions via the Billionaires for Buff vehicle.

Anyhow that's enough of your's truly, you good folks all have questions, you know, about the America's Cup, Lib ............... er ............. ..................... er ............. ................... .................... Liberia??

Anyhow, nows the time to give it your best shot. What's on your mind?

This is Buff Staysail, over and not out but listening!!!

.... oh, yes, and Happy Thanksgiving!!!


O Docker said...

Not sure about the timing, Buff.

The political life expectancy of a challenging front-runner is now about a month, and there are still nine months until the convention. Most coaches would advise you keep a low profile until just before the convention so as to avoid those tricky questions from the sneaky leftist press about the economy and foreign policy.

Work on the art of saying nothing while peppering your speeches with the words 'god' and 'values'.

And oh, definitely have one of your peeps find out who the president of Uzbekistan is. It's one of those little places in the middle of nowhere that you have to appear to know about when you're running for president. Don't know why.

If you need help with cash, I hear the Koch brothers are looking for a new spokesman.

Good luck.

Undecided said...

I think we are definitely ready for a President Buff. A lot of people have difficulties about our current president's name. They don't seem to think it sounds American enough. Some even claim he was born somewhere foreign like Hawaii.

So many of the present crop of contenders have decided to adopt fake first names that they think sound more American. Willard calls himself Mitt. Newton calls himself Newt. And even James calls himself Rick. The only one who seems to be happy with his real first name is Herman. I don't know why - it sounds a bit German to me.

Oh, and the first name of the president of Ubeki-beki-beki-beki-stan-stan is "Islam". Remember that Buff and you will be one up on Herman.