INT: Studio, big sign says "Top Yacht". Three presenters are doing the cool wall.
Clarkson (for it is he): So what do we think, Volvo 70s, cold or super cold?
Audience, misc: cold! Super cold! Freezing! etc etc
Clarkson: You know the old Volvo 60, good yachts, but these new ones. God they're fast!!
Hamster: That's right, that extra 10 feet make all the difference - and there's a canting keel too!
Clarkson: The power is just awesome, I just can't say no to it
May: Of course they'll need ice gates now.
Clarkson and Hammond look at him in disgust, shake heads, raise eyebrows etc
May: If they're going 40 knots and hit an iceberg its all over, all this fancy carbon fibre, give me solid steel any day.
Clarkson: Well, thank you Mr Health and Safety, but who cares, I want one.
He slaps picture of V070 at the ice-cold end of the board and the audience cheers.
You see what I mean? It would so work.
But what TV show would the Vendee Globe be? I haven't had chance to see for myself what its actual TV coverage is like but it surely would be more character based. Maybe a TV drama series - or even dare I say it a soap.
The skippers would be the focus, not the just the power of the boats, and interactions between them drive the story forward, with a cliff hanger at the end of each episode:
- when will the curse of Mike Golding strike?
- can anyone get to poor Jean le Cam before his yacht sinks?
- who will get in first, Roxy or Safram?
and of course:
- When will Elies be rescued, broken leg and all?
There'd also be the light humorous story line to keep spirits up and Sam would do her bit with stories of lost chocolate, karaoke, iPod dancing etc.
Of course a soap never ends so it can't be that. I'd suggest a drama like Lost but that series is just too irritating. So maybe something classical, like Dicken's Bleak House, printed in 20 instalments.
What do you think?