Tuesday, November 30, 2010

British scientists discover "Winter"!

Today's a proud day for Blighty as British Boffins make the discovery of the year - nay, the decade. Those big brains have been beavering away with their data sets and climate models and have just made a break-through of epic proportions.

Apparently there is evidence of a 365.25 day cycle between periods of low temperature or "winter" as they are describing it.

"We were shocked" said a man with a beard. "But the evidence is very strong for this phenomena."

However across the pond there was scepticisms and the results were described as "controversial". Alaskan MumsNet spokesperson was categorical "This so-called Winter is a plot by progressive liberals to scare the public into handing over hard working honest tax payers money to scientists and the Obama administration is using it to impose a socialistic dictatorship!!"

We are also hearing about reports of security implications. The beltway think-tank "Big Bills Inc" has warned that the impact of "Winter" is to turn Dihydrogen monoxide or DHMO - a lethal substance commonly used in nuclear reactors - into a crystalline form which can be converted by terrorists into projectiles that can be targeted at freedom loving Americans!

Said their spokesperson Mr Off The Record "It is shocking that Government agencies have no action plan for cystalline DHMO projectiles and we have prepared a $ 50 million study program to investigate."

The White House was unavailable for comment.


Tillerman said...

That DHMO is nasty stuff.

Prolonged exposure to solid DHMO causes severe tissue damage, and gaseous DHMO can cause severe burns.

It has been found in biopsies of pre-cancerous tumors and lesion, and death can be caused by accidental inhalation of DHMO, even in small quantities.

In latest US political news, Republicans are denying liberal claims that DHMO is a major component of acid rain.

Baydog said...

He was probably at a basketball game.

JP said...

"Basketball game" ..... good cover to distract the MSM from another victim of the deadly DHMO.

It should really be more widely known - particular for sailors who are very vulnerable to DHMO.

Tillerman said...

Yeah, there's no way they are going to admit that POTUS was injured by being struck in the mouth by one of those crystalline DHMO projectiles. Can you imagine the panic it would cause if the truth came out? I mean, if the terrorists can score a direct hit on POTUS in the White House then nobody is safe.

Informed sources say that Alaska has more crystalline DHMO than any other state. The former half-governor of Alaska interrupted her book tour/ reality show to deny any involvement in the attack on POTUS.

O Docker said...

Another web site had this to say about the dangers of DHMO:

With the numerous allegations of amateur and professional athletes using anabolic steroids and/or blood doping to enhance performance, virtually no attention has been paid to the performance enhancing properties of Dihydrogen Monoxide. It is perhaps the sporting world's dirtiest of dirty little secrets that athletes regularly ingest large quantities of DHMO in an effort to gain a competitive edge over an opponent.

And why is it always left to me to point out that the threat of DHMO would have languished in relative obscurity had it not been brought to the world's attention by three dedicated University of California students?

Caroline said...

Nice! Happy holidays to everyone.