Friday, July 15, 2011

Stranger on the river

INT: Wild west saloon, honky tonk piano bashing away, polished wood bar with assorted cowboys with their beers, miners drinking whisky etc etc. To one side are racks of kayaks, canoes, PBDs, skirts, paddles etc - the art director isn't sure about this bit.

Soundtrack: clip-clop / squeak of bike brakes / theme to The Good, the Bad and the Ugly.

There's a shadow by the door, then enter: the Stranger (JP)

All look round: the bar goes quiet.

Howdy stranger (he spits) Haven't seen you around these parts.

I've been out East

We don't want no trouble (spits again - what is it about spitting?) We want a nice safe paddle.

JP nods then walks over to the bar.

Old timer serving behind said bar
Oh my giddy eyes. God-darn it if isn't old JP. How've you been youngster? (ok I made that last bit up) You look older (alas didn't make that up)

It's been a tough 6 months, old timer. Been back East working, and had family troubles. RP is dead.

Old timer
I'm right sorry to hear that JP

Enter glamorous woman, think Jane Russell / Scarlett Johansson / enter your choice here. She approaches JP and slaps him on the face

Glamorous Woman / Scarlett
That's for leaving me lonesome, you double timing no good heart-breaker (ok, totally made that bit up, but its what should have happened).

Old timer
Go easy on him, Scarlett, life hasn't been good to JP - sounds as bad as finding a rattle-snake in your jack-pants

Glamorous Woman / Scarlett
Oh you poor thing, you come here now and let Scarlett take care of you (still making it up)

Old timer
No time for that Scarlett, I'm taking JP off up Thames canyon for old times sake. What you riding JP?

I'll have that fibreglass slalom kayak

Cut to: EXT: Thames Canyon. Sound track clip/clop splish/splash, backdrop ol' Father Thames

So what's new, Old Timer, looks just the same to me.

Old Timer
All the same? Haven't you seen that darn yellow monstrosity? Those PLA boys did that (he spits - its ok, they're on the river.)

And that?

Old Timer
(shivers) We don't talk about that JP. No good comes of asking about that.

JP and the Old Timer go paddling upriver towards a fine sunset...

Fade to black. 

- The End -


O Docker said...

Well done, JP. You had me just until the end there.

I thought the sun never sets on the...

Baydog said...

You were in Connecticut, JP?

JP said...

O'Docker: On this Thames yes, on the others.... that's another story (see below).

Baydog: if that Thames has a statue of Michael Jackson as bad as the one we have it has my sympathy!