Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Buff Staysail Phone Hacking Scandal

It is with a heavy heart that I must report that Buff Staysail has been implicated in the phone hacking scandal, and therefore this blog must issue a clear and unequivocal repudiation of his actions. Ok, say your piece Buff:

G'day all! Buff Staysail here, Buff by name and Buff by nature!

Well I don't know what to say, though my lawyer suggests something on the lines of deep regret, error of judgement bla bla ... but really, don't they know how are it is to make a living nowadays as a hack? - oops, I mean journo. It's not my fault, honest, its just too easy with the latest temporal phone-hack technology.

It's not like its going to harm anyone, is it? Take for example these answer phone messages from some famous sailors and their relatives:

[Penelope]: Hi Pen, its me Odysseus. Guess what - we won! Anyhow me and the boys (background sound of a girl giggling) are heading out to celebrate. I might be a bit late - don't wait up!

[Columbus]. This relates to your travel insurance application. I'm afraid that all travel west of the Canary Islands is explicitly excluded due to clause 34.1: "Sailing near the edge of the world". Please contact us if you still want to proceed.

[Drake]: That wasn't funny. Leave the King's beard alone - no more singeing, ok

[Morgan]: Bad news Captain, the Spanish rang and they want Panama back. Better make sure you leave it as you found it

[Kidd]: Hi Kidd, this is the Pirate's PR Agency. Listen, this is fixable. We've a plan involving the King's mistress and a stage show. Just send a gold bar or two round and we'll get cracking

[Cook]: Trust me Captain, Hawaii on Valentines Day is to die for!

[Nelson]: Hey sweetie its me, Emma (above). What's all this about you and Hardy kissing? Are you going all bi-curious on me? Ring me!

[Sir Thomas Lipton]: Stick to the day job, tea boy!!! (background chants of U.S.A! U.S.A! U.S.A! etc)

Of course I might have missed a few, so please feel free to complete the list.

This is Buff Staysail, over and out when you hear the beep!


O Docker said...

Very brave of you to speak up, Buff, in light of what's been flying around in Parliamentary committee hearings lately.

You could end up with more than egg on your face.

JP said...

It is a bit odd given even Buff wouldn't consider himself "la creme de la creme"

Maybe he's hoping someone like Mrs Murdoch will leap to his defence?

Tillerman said...

Talking of Lipton, I sailed in the Lipton Cup Regatta at the weekend. At registration every competitor was given a box of tea.

JP said...

Jolly good show chaps!

(of course it was all part of Will and Kate's cunning plan)