Thursday, December 25, 2008

Royal Christmas Message to the Blogging Community

Today we are extremely privileged to have a very special guest contributor to this bog. On the day that the Queen gives Britain and the Commonwealth the traditional Christmas Message, Prince Charles has kindly agreed to give his Christmas message to the blogging community in exchange for the first advert on these pages. Many thanks to his Highness:

One is most gratified to be able to give this message to all those on this interweb-thing, even if one is a bit suspicious of this new fangled technology. Andrew is always dragging William and Harry into a corner to show them something “interesting” he has found but alas they always say it is not my sort of thing.

And they could be right. One does feel strongly that life was better in the days that if one had a message one would just ask the court scribe to write it down on a piece of fine hand made parchment. Those times had more grace and there was more respect to for those like oneself. But one is told one must keep up with this so called “progress” and no doubt one will one day ask one’s man to kick his computer or whatever the word is for what one must do to get it to go.

I am a great believer in the value of tradition. Why of why, I ask myself, would anyone want to sail in a boat made of plastic and foam? And call it after something as unromantic as a “Laser”? Surely it is time that we got back to the old fashioned ways of sailing and making boats. There is nothing as substantial as a solid oak hand built craft made on one’s estate by a faithful old gaffer who doffs his hat to one with the respect that is so lacking in today’s world of rush and talk of “performance”.

I am also passionate about connecting to nature. When you know the oak tree from which the wood came for one’s boat individually, having talked to it for years previously, one values it all the more. Often when in my mother’s estates in Scotland I ask my man to row a short distance out to sea so I have a chance to talk to the kelp. It is very soothing and the kelp is very understanding, never interrupting or asking difficult questions like “is it true your man squeezes your toothpaste for you?”

Alas must go now as Mama is calling us now to go to Church.

So one end’s this special message by wishing all of you, whether ever you are and whatever you sail a very Happy Christmas and very best wishes for the New Year.

Special Offer from His Highness Prince Charles’s Duchy of Cornwall Estate

As a special offer to all readers of Captain JP’s log we are prepared to offer a hand-reared out-door roaming organic free range turkey’s on first name basis with His Highness having had many a long conversation with him when he drops over for his visits. These very special animals, named individually by a member of the estate’s staff can be purchased at a discount bargain price of only £299.99 plus postage and packing, subject to availability. Note: to avoid disappointment, all orders must be submitted by 2nd December 2008.

8 comments:

Tillerman said...

Ho ho ho. Another great contender for best post of the year!

O Docker said...

Perhaps you can help solve a riddle that's been puzzling me for a while.

Like a typical American, I recognize the fellow at left in the photo, but I'm a little uncertain as to exactly what his job is.

Most photos we see of him show him entering or leaving what look to be expensive buildings, autos, yachts, etc, so he must be fairly well off. But I never see him in an office, at a desk, carrying a lunchpail - in short, there are few visual clues to indicate what he does to earn what must be an appreciable income. He seems to have a lot of leisure time on his hands.

I've occasionally seen him wearing a skirt, but that's another matter entirely - what he does in the privacy of his own estate is his business. But, I'm curious what line of work he's in, as his prosperity seems relatively unaffected by the economy whose storms most of us must weather.

- Curious Yank

P.Picklewick said...

His Royal Highness etc, etc,

on behalf of the Australian Naturalist Society and your many adoring subjects here in the colonies who wish to extend to your Highness our most sincere Christmas greetings, etc, etc. We were delighted to read your Christmas message, kindly provided here by Sir Admiral JP.

We were especially thrilled to discover that you also commune with kelp! As you most probably are aware, many of us here in the Antipodes practice the ancient art of kelp-singing.

As is customary, on moonlit nights we drape ourselves in sea-weed and even dab on a few starfish to the lower earlobes to feel more closely connected to our natural origins.

Should Your Highness venture a trip to the colonies, he may find our local weed beneficial as an exfoliant for his chaffed pinkie fingers (from all that waving and tea-cup holding).

We wish you and the Royal Family a very merry Christmas, and a prosperous New Year, etc, etc.

Your obedient servant,

P.Picklewick
CEO for A.N.S.


ps( please tell Sir Admiral JP that I look forward to our game of darts)

JP said...

Hi Curious Yank,

There are many who wonder what Prince C.'s job is. My best guess is he's a bit like your Vice President - there just in case as they say.

What is rather remarkable is he has been there "just in case" for so long that actually next year he will get to retirement age - without actually doing anything!

So it is likely he will get his first job after he retires!!

The Honourable Waistcoat said...

What-ho Picklewick!

Is that you, you old wombat? Haven't seen you since that unfortunate incident with his Highness's missing cuff-links and that koala. Don't think Charlie-boy ever spotted they had gone right through that little beast (though I still have the scars where it bit me).

I heard Joc Dundee was asking for photos of you doing that kelp ceremony so pip pip keep an eye out for camera's in the bush!

Toodle pip old sport!


The Honourable Waistcoat
2nd assistant Assistant to Prince Charles
Though palls call me Flunky

O Docker said...

Hmm, 'Prince', you say?

My career guidance counselor in college never mentioned that as an option. Maybe I should have gone to a better school.

JP said...

I think the college careers counsellor checks you have the right certificates before advising a path into royalty.

I understand the key certificates are either birth (together with a Queen & King specified under parents) or marriage (the counsellor will be looking for the word princess).

JP said...

Tillerman: hmm... this got more comments than the other "fiction" posts so maybe it should be the last minute winner?