Saturday, December 03, 2011

When rats attack! ... or the rat matador and other stories

It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man ..... oops, slight distraction there. What meant to say it's well known that JP doesn't do frost-biting.

Or at least hasn't - there are plans, wheels within wheels, the game's afoot etc - but more on that another time.  So without anything boat related here's the first of three London tales, starting with a long grey tail.

Yesterday I saw a rat, a big one, and it saw me. But rather than running away (it that is, not me) the darn thing charged straight at me. Fleet of foot I jumped to one side like a rat matador only to see the little blighter swing round and have another charge.

Hello, hello, hello, thinks I, what's all this? I remembered an urban myth about squirrels in Brixton getting addicted to crack after digging up drug dealer's stashes and wondered whether I was facing a rat having a bad trip or just your everyday demonic possession.

Thinking on my feet I crossed the road and in the swirl of traffic it got distracted and was last seen squatting in the middle of the tarmac chattering to itself (probably something on the lines of "I told you it was a bad idea running a budget deficit of 4% of GDP at the height of a boom" but I don't speak rat).

Maybe it was just hungry but it didn't look thin: rather plump actually. I'm told that rats were considered a delicacy on board naval ships in the time of Nelson, but today you can get many things at your local farmer's market, such as pheasants (above), but not rat.

I know this for sure as today I went to my local one in Barnes and jolly good it was too, especially at extracting £20 notes from my wallet. I got some fish, some naughty but nice chocolate thing, some soup and some bread from a stand very like this one from the Bursledon Blog.

Then back to JP HQ and a quick trip to YouTube to watch again that sketch from Armstrong and Miller called "The Farmer's Market".

Then for some reason checked out the trailer for Ratatouille......


Carol Anne said...

The rats are in alignment with the squirrels, which my grandmother always called "bushy-tailed rats". Some years ago, my brother discovered a sinister plot orchestrated by the Suicide Squirrel Death Cult, the detailed machinations of which we have yet to figure out.

JP said...

Yes, that sounds very similar indeed.