Navigating the land of the dead

We wonder what happens after death, we always have. For the ancient Egyptians it was the start of a new journey, leading either to eternity or destruction.

The afterlife for them was a complex domain of gods, beasts and traps for the unprepared. To navigate a way successfully to paradise they needed a guide, the Egyptian Book of the Dead, currently the focus of a stunning exhibition at the British Museum.

But it is not like an Admiralty chart, rather it's a bit like a Harry Potter spell book, words of power to control the afterlife. So for example should you be worried about beetles (and who isn't) then the appropriate spell is number 36:

Begone from me! O crooked-lips! I am Khnum, Lord of Shen, who despatches the words of the gods to Ra, and I report affairs to their master.

The exhibition describes many of the 192 charms, taking you on the path from death to (hopefully) the bliss like field of reeds (above) where you glide peacefully in your boat with gods and family members. 

The journey of the modern day visitor is in contrast an intensive learning curve, with examples at each stage from several papyrus's together with tools, masks and amulets. 

The papyrus's themselves are works of beauty, many over 3,000 years old, colours and marking preserved carefully, so carefully it is unlikely a similar collection will be on display any time soon. They tell the story of the spirit or ba, connected to the mummy, the preserved body, but able to come forth by day (hence its alternative tile of "The book of coming forth by day").

The spells allow this process, allow the body to transmute into birds or snakes, fight off crocodiles, control water, make servants to harvest the crops, open gateways, give safe passage, name guardians correctly, ward off evils and fend off disease.

After many trials the deceased would be judged, their heart placed on the scales, with all deeds good and ill weighted in the balance. The punishment for the bad was to be handed to the monster called the Devourer, part crocodile, lion and hippo.

Obviously many powerful Egyptians were worried that their heart might reveal a bit too much, in which case there was a special spell to ensure their heart keeps their secrets (Mr Mubaruk might be interested to know it it is number 30B).

For those that passed they could pass into the kingdom of Osiris and eternity. To speed them on their way their spirit or ba (oft represented like here as a human headed bird) could even hoist a sail:

It is a lot to take in, and it takes a good two hours to go from start to finish. It does feel like a crash course in Egyptian hieroglyphs and theology under the great reading room dome.

But it is worth it. For at the end are two complete Books of the Dead, and now understanding some of its symbology you can follow the passage of the dead from mummy, through challenges and dangers, on to being weighing in the balance on to an afterlife in the field of reeds.

An amazing collection, possibly a once in a lifetime, so do try to catch it if you can. But leave enough time to savour each papyrus, to learn all the symbols, understand their meaning and relationship to the Egyptian's gods.

For then you can imagine what life must have been like for those people walking by the Nile or sailing through its reed beds all of three thousand years ago.

Friday picture quiz

After a meeting in central London I took some time off to visit this building, but:

• What is it?
• What was it?
• Why did something that happened here cause a spot of bother in the 20th Century?
• What would you currently find there?
• Why is what you'd find there rather topical?
• Can you think of way of connecting it with the theme of "navigation"?

Blogging go slow update

Apologies for lack of posts - serious illness of a family member.

Anyhow, have drafted in my head a post on navigation, the latest group writing project, which hopefully will have a chance to blog on later on, together with two book reviews.

As they say, later......

Congratulations Egypt

I'm pretty smashed but have just enough energy to switch on Al Jazeera and watch the great party going on in Cairo.

Epic, epoch making events: a mostly peaceful disposing of a dictator by people power!

There will no doubt be difficult times on the road ahead, but for now lets enjoy their moment.

Inflatable everything?

One of the things I was meant to do last weekend was another hunt for a suitable inflatable kayak, after failing to find one at the Boat Show.

While wandering the halls of the ExCel centre I had this thought - what about an inflatable sailing dinghy? Just as I was shaking my head at my own stupidity what should I see but the above, the SmartKat inflatable catamaran.

It looks surprisingly good for something that packs up into two bags, and is relatively straight-forward to put together, as can be seen in this YouTube video.

And if catamarans then what else? Well apparently even the sky is not the limit as this proposed module to the space station is to go by:

Blow me up, Scotty!

Goodbye Fitzbillies

A combination of work overload and family crisis means that blogging has dropped off the to do list recently but today have been driven to post what is sad news for those of us who have fond memories of Fitzbillies and their famous Chelsea buns.

These sticky, gooey delicacies (above) followed a recipe unique to Fitzbillies and their Cambridge tea shop, and I have fond memories of them as a student (or more often the cheaper Chesea buns "bits").

But alas it has been reported that they have recently gone into administration.

Another example of the need to enjoy good things while you can.

Buff's Mandatory Laser Bill

G'day all! Buff Staysail here, Buff by name and Buff by nature!

Well JP's a bit low this evening so I've cooked up another bit of Buff Enterprise magic to make the blues go away! Yup, it's another Get-Rich-Scheme courtesy of your's truly.

I read this article about how some state (anyone heard of a "South Dakota"?) is going to make it mandatory to own a gun, and that raised the interesting question - why stop there?

Let's take it to its logical conclusion and make it mandatory to own a Laser!!

Let's do the maths for California. There's about 12m households, so if each one pays (say) $1k (prices slashed for mass production - which of course will be in state, hence reducing unemployment, win-win) and yours truly gets a 2.5% commission (very reasonable, well below Buff's usual 20%) that makes a whopping $ 300 million.

Now of course we've got to be realistic here, no need to get greedy. A lot of this will be funnelled via the in-house B-Street lobby firm into sufficient campaign funds to get this radical legislation passed. We can argue it's all to do with health  - you know get active, reduce medical bills bla bla bla...

But it will be worth it - create jobs AND make those yanks healthier AND give Tillerman a bit of competition AND get the price of sails down AND make ol' Buff truly loaded.

Win-Win-Win-Win-Win!!!!

The Egyptian Felucca

In honour of the totally thrilling events ongoing in Egypt, and hoping for a rapid resolution (Earth to Mubarak: just go already) here are some Felucca's on the Nile.

Latest updates to be found on Al Jazeera here.

Update: Oh dear, all gone horrible wrong, just a day later. Keeping my fingers crossed democracy wins out over dictatorship!

A sailor, not a hunter

Yesterday I went on a shoot.

I had my doubts and reservations, but decided to give it a try to support friends and family that had organised the event. While I admire the ethical position of vegetarianism I continue to eat meat, an act which inevitably involves the death of animals. So would it be inconsistent not to be prepared to do the key task myself?

In the end my aim was so poor that I have no pheasant's life on my conscience.

It was interesting to see who else was there and why. The main group were locals taking the opportunity of this, the last weekend of the shooting season, to enjoy a traditional countryside activity as a community event. They typically wore checked shirts and ties and were all ages down to boys the height of their guns but already dead-shots and quietly polite.

Then there were the experts who choose this activity, those who'd go off to Africa to hunt large animals, who had the gear and practice to know what to do, who'd ended the day with a decent tally.

There was much advice from both groups as to how to improve, such as to spend time clay pigeon shooting, for like all skill based occupations the way to improve is practice, practice, practice.

But I don't want to get any better: it is not a skill I want.

I am a sailor, not a hunter.

Buff speaks out!

G'day all! Buff Staysail here, Buff by name and Buff by nature!

JP's just stepped away from the keyboard for a moment so its time for a spot of Buff's wisdom. As you will know, get a cold beer or two in my hand and you're in for a treat.

Just some of my words of wisdom are:

"The art of winning is not in winning, but in winning so that the rest of fleet are pleased you have won"

"It will give an idea of my approach to sailing when I say I measure distance in bottles of liquor"

"Training accumulates. It's like money in the bank"

"Let this be your motto - Rely on yourself! For, whether the prize be a ribbon or throne, The victor is he who can go it alone!"

"Success is simply the extension and utilization of an an entire series of failures"

"Starting a boat in a large fleet is like playing Russian roulette with five bullets instead of one. One mistake and the finish is very quick"

"In life, as in surfing, there are waves that if you dare to ride them will kill you, and there are waves that will give you the ride of your life... All we are really doing in our short time on this big round ball is paddling around trying to figure out which ones are which."

"If there is one characteristic which all winners share, it is impatience with, and intolerance for, losing"

"I had been sailing for years before I realized that most people with boats are liars"

"Oh what a luxury it be how exquisite, what perfect bliss so ordinary yet chic to pee to piss to take a leak"

How about that! Those are truly words of wisdom from your's truly!

That's Buff - over and out!

Not so Happy Australia Day

First of course Happy Australia Day!

I was a bit worried I'd missed Oz day but according to my iThing it is still Wednesday in Perth so I've just got in under the wire. But all is not happy in the land of the bouncy 'roo and shrimp loaded barbie, for us poms are in the dog house again.

Not content with taking the ashes home we've got our grubby mits on the first map to call the land down under "Australia".

It was so named in the drawing (above) by Captain Matthew Flinders who circumnavigated the continent back in 1801-3. He made it while imprisoned for six years by the dastardly French in Mauritius and now it rests unseen within the UK Hydrographic Office in Taunton.

Strewth!

Hence this campaign to bring the map home.

Anyhow put away those wee drams of whisky, get yourself a cold tinny and raise it the lucky country!

Gastro quiz

A gastronomic quiz relating to the picture above:
1) What do you call the three things on my plate?
2) What are they made of?
3) Why should you eat them today?
4) Which one can't you import into the USA and why?
5) Would you eat them?
6) What do you drink with them?
7) What toasts should you make?

Panel finds Blackbeard innocent

Today were published the findings of the official enquiry into the raiding of several ships off Charleston by Blackbeard, which concludes he was totally innocent.

The panel decided that he and his crew were "placed in a situation they were not completely prepared for and had not anticipated" and this led to loss of life.

According to Israel Blackbeard several of the merchant crew terrorists attacked him by reversing onto his sword - not just once but five times. Some even managed this while they were lying on the ground!

While the attacks happened in international waters it was legitimate as Israel Blackbeard was at the time undertaking a "completely legal" blockade of Gaza Charleston. This city - described by the pirates as a hostile territory - had shown its terrorist nature by resisting Blackbeard and crew. "God has told us all the gold in Charleston is ours" one crew member said.

Apparently some in Charleston and surrounding colonies have been seeking independence, a clearly hostile act.

"There has never been a country called the United States of America and there are no such people as the Americans" said pirate spokesperson Ms "Gold" Meir.

The panel did not interview any pirate crew or merchant sailor terrorist, instead basing its finding on the statements by Blackbeard.

Despite that it rejected calls from international lawyers that there was "clear evidence to support prosecutions" against Israel Blackbeard for "wilful killing" and torture committed when its sailors stormed the ships.

"We conclude by saying that these critics of Blackbeard are clearly biased against pirates" said a spokesperson, a Mr "White" Wash.

Buff's Official Apology

Today we are joined by a (rather scary) representative from Leech, Vam, Pire & Partners lawyers who is to make an official statement.

On behalf of our client, Mr Buff Staysail, we would like to make clear our regret at the incident at the London Boat Show.  Our client is willing to accept without reservation that he is not the "Original Buff" and that he in no way had any hand in the creation of this brand. Furthermore he accepts that his statement that "it was all my idea" was completely without substance.

Mr Buff Staysail regrets grabbing handfuls of the product and throwing them into the watching crowd. Also after closer examination he agrees that the statement "I don't need one I'm not going bald" was factually incorrect. In addition he sincerely regrets trying to demonstrate on the sales woman his theory that the headband could be used to support other parts of the body.

In conclusion he willing agrees with the request to remain at least 50 m from any Buff store and accepts that his behaviour was in part due to a long session in the Boat Show bar.

With this statement we suggest that the incident is hereby considered closed.

Some boat shows pic

Some pics from the boat show. Above and below some of the humongously big plastic things that Italian PM Berlusconi would use to entertain his "friends".

This rather neat display showed cruising shoot hoisting with a bank of fans to create wind and a boat that could be rotated round to simulate gybes etc.

There was also this indoor arena where you could try out standup kayaks, dinghies etc.

Alas Buff didn't behave himself that well and got into trouble......

Geoff Holt at the London Boat Show

One of the highlights of the London Boat Show was hearing Geoff Holt, winner of the 2010 Yachtsman of the Year, talk about his experiences.

He described his love of sailing and how he thought it was to be his life. All was going to plan and he had many thousands of miles under his belt, including several crossings of the Atlantic, when his broke his neck in a hasty dive into the deceptively shallow waters of Cane Garden Bay, Tortola, BVI.

Geoff is a good speaker, relaxed and fluent, and from many a retelling as a "motivational speaker" tells the story well. It is indeed inspiring to hear how even a quadriplegic can achieve great things like circumnavigate Britain or cross the Atlantic. It reminded me a bit of my encounter with Jamie Andrew last month.

Maybe it was because of this I went up to him afterwards with a question that had come to me after talking about Jamie with a friend: it can it be a bit daunting for those that have mobility issues to hear about those that have been so successful despite their greater problems - what would he say to them?

It wasn't a question he'd expected, and we were distracted by photographers. But he made good points: firstly that everyone's path should be the one that is right for them, and that doesn't mean doing what Geoff or Jamie did. What is important is to gain in confidence and the best way to do that is to feel independent.

For Geoff that meant sailing again, to feel the boat react as he hauled on the main sheet or pushed the tiller over. And he was open about how hard it was, taking a long time to rehab - its now 25 years since his accident.

But there have been good things too: he met his wife in hospital where she was a nurse and they now have a son. Geoff might not have been able to play footie with him, but nothing was going to stop him learning to sail - as in the pic above.

He has also achieved much to help the disabled sail as part of his work for Sailability and last year 25,000 of them went out on the water. Good deeds like those give him a warm feeling, of doing something of value, and recognition too, with an MBE in 2010.

Geoff invited us to look at the names on the Yachtsman of the Year award, and there were many that I recognised, like Eric Hiscock, Francis Chichester, Robin Knox-Johnston, Chay Blyth, Pete Goss, Ellen MacArthur and Samantha Davies.

Those names have something in common, something that hopefully Geoff will have too, for already he is thinking of the next project - to be the first quadriplegic to sail around the world.

I certainly wish him well.

London Boat Show 2011

After seeing the Gauguin at the Tate I went on to the Boat Show. Between the two spent rather a long time walking and had time to come to an important conclusion: people walk too slowly.

I mean really, do you want to spend an hour more than you need to wandering the isles of the cavernous ExCel?

Of course each year have wondered if its worth going at all, but this year thought it might help with the problem of choices, choices posted on earlier.

Many of the options could be ruled out, starting with the shiny new and hence expensive yachts. Indeed I'm not sure that ownership is right for me apart from that gleam in the eye for an inflatable kayak, especially when there are so many sailing schools and holidays.

Again some like the Fastnet and Clipper require far too much time than work will permit, but that still left many possible alternatives.

But not just sailing: the boat show was combined with two others, the outdoor show and something to do with bikes (push bikes that is), and some of those trekking holidays looked pretty good too.

In the end that's probably the best reason to go to these sorts of shows. Unless you have something specific in mind what is interesting is what you find interesting.

As the ancient Greeks put it: know thyself.

Or at least try to.

Gauguin at the Tate

Gauguin was a bad boy and he paid for it, dying of syphilis aged just 54.

You see him in this self portrait with one of his classic paintings in the background. In it a naked young girl is observed by a devil like death - or is she is dreaming of it? Gauguin excused himself as so many have done in the past: he is a genius and it is for art's sake.

But what does that make the gallery visitor? As you enter the Gauguin exhibition currently on at the Tate Modern you find yourself face to face with this very picture, the Manao Tupapau or Spirit Of The Dead Watching.

It is a disconcerting image on many levels, but that is something that Gauguin would have relished. Often in his paintings he seems to challenge the viewer. Rather than just paint a still life of fruit there'd be a mischievous face to one side, watching.

Many of his pictures are from his time in Tahiti. He imagined it to be unchanged and unspoilt since the first westerners arrived on HMS Dolphin, where the sailors were warmly welcomed by the local girls. He was depressed to find a land changed by French colonialism and Catholic missionaries.

Gauguin, though disappointed, seems to have replaced the reality by layers of imagined or reconstructed myths taken from sources as wide apart as Greece and Easter Island. Though surrounded by the most beautiful of blue water it rarely appears in his paintings. There are just the odd boat, not very good ones at that.

For his eyes were most definitely on land, and on those young girls in particular, and you could see the resignation in their faces.

The exhibition leaves a disturbing picture of a man with many demons of his own: I did wonder whether the devilish figure in the picture above was Gauguin himself, aware of his own mortality and the path that would take him to his death.

Buff's America's Cup Bid

G'day all! Buff Staysail here, Buff by name and Buff by nature!

Psst! Keep this one quiet will ya, got a wheeze to make your's truly loaded - and you too if want in. Buff Staysail is putting together an America's Cup syndicate. I've seen how there's big dosh to be made and I want some of it, and what's more I know how.

That Larry geezer missed a trick and Buff Enterprises is going to clean up - it should have gone to NY! This is how we make it work:

1. Mooring rights

Larry's first mistake was to go for real estate, 'cos that's limited by spare space, and there ain't much of that in the big apple. But you've got lots of water front, and just think of the money you could get by lining it with Cruise ships converted into appartments!! We're talking $$$ billions - and that leads me to the 2nd part of this scheme:

2. Short the property market

Now yours truly (actually holding company Buff ScrewU Inc) will create mind-blowing complex financial instruments that go short on what used to be NY waterfront properties that now just have views of our ships. When their value hits the floor our bank balance goes mental!! Of course it'll be routed via Mid West Main Street Family Bank so if it goes belly up the tax payers coughs up. But it won't cos of the next bit:

3. Radio Spectrum

What's worth more than property? Nothing! And the radio spectrum is just that - thin air! If NY want us there're going to have to give us 2 x 30 MHz spectrum to be taken from those lame-street broadcasters. With re-sell to the telcos we make billions and enter the high rollers and my yacht is bigger than yours. The final component is then:

4. Social Media and Marketing

It's all the buzz today, and we're going to tap in, by giving away all media - TV, games, web site, the lot - to anyone who subscribes via LinkedIn, Facebook, iPhone or Android app. And our app will suck all your connections and private data to Buff ScrewU offshore data farm (safely out of legal reach) for processing. With (say) 5 million users, each with 20 contacts we've got our mitts on 100m of the world's top people's inner secrets, and lets remember Facebook values each at $ 50 per user - that's serious money!

Timetable

Ok, we've got to get those ducks in a row. My biz plan says we can flog the AC for several billions, so our campaign budget will start at $ 500 million. But according to those lawyer folks we got to start the game rolling now. We need not just a wholly owned NY yacht club but one that has held at least one race a year over two years to pass Go, so we need to get cracking.

Here's the plan: we get together, set up a NY based yacht club, hold a race (Tillerman vs Adam will do, just 100 m then back to the bar) and we're in business. Bit of VC raising, do the rounds of Wall Street (they're going to love this) and we're in the money. IPO say 2014, laughing it in 2015.

Who's with me???!!!!!

Choices Choices

Tillerman has recently posted about his decisions... which was an impressively long list and all to be resolved within a week! No wonder he retired to bed to think them through.

I've been wondering about something too: what to do this year? More offshore racing? More kayaking? More dinghy sailing? More power boats? More motor cruisers? More putting my feet up and watching others?

An unpredictable work life means I find it quite hard to plan ahead except to say no. So when was prompted to have the annual "shall I do Antigua week?" thought it only lasted as long as it took me to work out it would be just as a project we've just started on is planned to go live. Hmmm.... that might not impress the client.

Then when was asked whether would be interested in going skiing the answer was of course yes, until worked out it was the week of acceptance testing. Hmmm.... that might not impress the development team either.

I guess it will be another of those wait and see years.

Classic Yacht Kayak World

Today I got another invite from a magazine company suggesting I subscribe to their publication: this time "Ocean Paddler". Alas their sales and marketing department are going to be disappointed.

But it gave me an idea. These sorts of magazines worked best back when information was hard to get and so those interested in niche subjects had a relatively easy to meet requirement. There might only be a couple of articles per edition of interest but the lack of alternatives increased their value.

My problem - and I can't believe I'm alone in this - is that I'm sort of interested in a number of a topics and in each case there is now a free alternative, the web.

But that doesn't mean there aren't articles that would interest me from each publication. So from Classic Yachts it might be a report of the Fowey Classics while from Ocean Paddler an interview with Audrey Sutherland (as per Bonnie's suggestion). Good journalism is always worth reading, and finding it is getting harder not easier.

So maybe there's a new subscription model in which you can (say) read in an iPad app 100 articles from any water sports related magazine per month for $ 10 and after that (say) $0.5 per article. It would be a bit like your mobile phone (cellphone) contract: you get a certain number of minutes in the basic contract and after that it'll cost you.

Of course you'd call it something better than Classic Yacht Kayak World, but it would represent a half way house between single magazine subscriptions and high granularity pay per read micropayments.

If a publishing house like IPC Media with a decent portfolio were to use such a model it would be an awfully more attractive than each one of their publications on their own.

Maybe I should move quickly before the Buff Staysail Publishing Empire grabs the idea!

Subscription time

Over the holidays I did a bit of tidying up of the piles of paper stacked up on my home desk and uncovered a letter from Yachting World reminding me to renew my subscription, which I had forgotten.

What was interesting was I hadn't really noticed it had lapsed and for several months at that. That made me pause and question if it was still right for me.

Couple of possibilities sprang to mind. Partly its the overload of information that comes from the web: there's so much to read that filtering becomes really important. The web is also mostly free, more up to date, more varied both in content and also type of media.

Of course there is an App for that, but even the wonder tablet iPad has not proved so far to be the saviour of the publishing industry. Take this article on the Guardian Media web site which describes the low and falling iPad subscription rates.

But it makes me wonder whether the model itself is wrong: the very concept of an organisation packaging for us the readers a set of articles and then charging for the complete package. We live much more in a pick and mix environment, and want to select which articles we read for ourselves.

But of course that's still for the future. For the next few editions I'll be browsing in the newsagent, checking out the index before deciding to put my hard earned £ 3.90 on the counter for a copy.

Buff's Horoscopes 2011 - Part 2

G'day all! Buff Staysail here, Buff by name and Spiritual by Nature!

Yup, it's the second half of Buff's horoscopical (JP - is that right?) review of 2011!

Already there's been HUGE interest and ol' Buff is going to mint it with the Buff Astrological Hotline - so call NOW on premium 486284. It's easy to remember: think BAH premium HUMBUG!!

Anyhow, here goes:

July

July the 1st, that's the date, big things expected star wise with eclipses, great crosses, you name it!! It all means  you'll have itchy feet, wanting to dance those nights away or swim the wild seas. It's a time for new acquaintanceships with your social life going bonkers - so see you at the bar!!

August

If you're thinking of entering in a competition this August then BEWARE!! According to the stars you should watch out for a dark man calling for "water" at the windward mark!! Doom will be yours if you do not listen to this warning!!

September

Uranus will be retrograde this month that will be as painful as it sounds. Yup, its the month to be careful of injury: duck your head low when the boom heads over, keep that lifejacket on and check the kayak spray deck has that handle thing the right way up.

October

Pisces is joined with Aquarius for a rare conjunction this October and that can mean just one thing: you should make sure sea food is on the menu!! The ides will be good for scallops at some New Jersey restaurant, so swim over there and follow your nose!

November

The nights are drawing in and Saturn is retrograde which all sages know means one thing: time to get those oars out for a good hearty row. Just make sure you don't catch any crabs - they should have been eaten LAST month! - geddit!!

December

It's the end of the year and Sagittarius is rising like the pong wafting up from the Thames mud banks. Look up to the silver moon, watch its light reflect in the waters and remember the year and all the good things it in.

Yup, that's a wrap, 2011 in a nutshell!

Remember for a full update call BAH premium HUMBUG!

Buff's Horoscopes 2011 - Part 1

G'day all! Buff Staysail here! Buff by name and Buff by super-nature!

That's right, Buff's gone all spiritual like, having had an appiff.... epi-fan...er... a revelation after a major style booze up over Christmas. Yes, we are all one, dreamland style, and to start ol' Buff on his celestial journey here are your stars for 2011!

January

The third moon is rising just by the horns of the Ram, and following the holistic connections we are led to the Ram brewery, home of the famous Young's Special London Ale. So the stars mean you to stay indoors, down a pint or two, maybe go to a boat show, potter in the shed fixing things.

February

The planet Venus is in the bedroom constellation as Feb's the month of lurve. So don't go out in the cold alone, go with another. Leave that single handed plastic contraption ashore (Tillerman you know what we mean), give up that solo kayak (Bonnie we mean you) and go double handed for the month.

March

It's the spring equinox and we know what that means! Yup, times are a changing! Expect the tide to be strong and your life to head off in a new direction. Keep your charts to hand and updated with all those notices to mariners - you're going to need them!!

April

Pluto is crossed with Mars - tricky financial negotiations involved. Maybe you'll be coughing up for a new bit of gear, broken rig or new paddle, whatever! Thing is there'll be battles about budgets. Ask yourself whether you really need it in carbon fibre?

May

This is the month of Gemini, the twins, and that means you'll be conflicted. Are you into sailing or kayaking? Are you into racing or cruising? The answer is BOTH - yes you're in Gemini now baby!!

June

Strewth, half way round the year already. Time for the summer equinox and what better way of celebrating the great circle of life than sailing round an island. If you are the organiser of a major sailing event involved in racing around an island on the south coast of England, this is a great time to schedule it!!


Still to come: your stars for July to December so keep it locked to the Buff Astrological Hotline!!!

Inflatable Kayaks?

Ok, a question for you out on the interbloggy web: what do you think of inflatable kayaks? Also which models and brands have you tried out?

I've been doing a bit of Googling on them as they deflate to a size that could probably fit in somewhere which is a big issue to those of us living in apartments, plus of course easier to transport.

Having one could give me the ability to go paddling where and when get the urge - or, more importantly, get a break from work.

No big urgency as this fair weather paddler happy looking out at the water for a few more months.

The return to work

The holidays are winding to a close and tomorrow the work treadmill starts again, so I feel a bit like this yacht here (from the 2010 Sydney Hobart).

Yesterday was Uncle JP entertaining the nephews and nieces with Wall-E and brownies made from this mix which was very good but didn't last long enough to be photographed so will instead give this picture from Three men doing something or other in Scotland instead:



Batten down the hatches, 2011 is about to begin - here's hoping for smooth sailing not a white water ride.

Happy New Year 2011

Happy New Year to one and all and hope you have a great 2011!

Thanks for my mince pie reading - in particular Tillerman's dozen and Carol Anne's best from sounds like a far from best year.

Can't think of any resolutions so far - is "think up a New Year's resolution" acceptable as a resolution or is a self-completing resolution?

Unsurprisingly Buff has yet to make an appearance so I guess he had a very wild night, but no doubt will turn up with that "never drink again" resolution for which the only uncertainty is how long it will last

Updated: a fab review of 2010 from Bonnie - a good read so head over here.

A Buff Christmas Carol

G'day all, Buff Staysail here - Buff by name and Buff by nature!

Yours truly has got a ripper of a story to tell: Buff's been visited by the 2010 ghosts of Bloggers Past, Present and Future!! No doubt they heard all that Bah Humbugs that JP was posting earlier this month!

And these three wraiths have shaken me to my core as they took me on a whirlwind tour of Buff's past, present and future.

The first took me back to the days of the pirates, when Buccaneer Buff went searching for Execution Dock along the dark streets of London.

The second took me to the present, and the creation of a new Phonetic Alphabet by Britney U2 Facebook Facebook (gedditt!!)

Finally the third took me into the future, and Buff Junior's post on the 2028 America's Cup: it was a shock to hear of my own death. Strewth, I'm a trembling still.

 For once ol' Buff is lost for words, so what can I say but:

"I am as giddy as a drunken man. A merry Christmas to everybody! A happy New Year to all the world! Hallo here! Whoop! Hallo!"

JP's review of 2010

It's the end of another year and time for another review of the wonderful world of blogging sailing and kayaking.

But it was also the year that JP joined the dark side, doing a power boat course, blasting through central London at 20 knots, going under Tower Bridge and through the Thames Barrier - cool!

It was a year of thrills, with the space age race between multi-hulls at the America's Cup, won by the BMW Oracle that looked as fast, thrilling and impracticable as a Lamborghini.

In May and June slowed down a bit for a trip up the Thames on a chartered motor boat, where I learned that lambs are navigational hazards.

But pulses hit new heights when first I found a gun up Beverly Brook and then got hit on the head by a boom when sailing at the Fowey Classics Regatta. But on a plus side had some thoughts about photographing the sailing experience.

After a quick break putting the feet up reading "The Swoop" watched some sailing away for the wrong reasons and some for the right reasons.

Finally British scientists discovered Winter!

Tomorrow: our good friend Buff on his 2010.

Three men in boats vs. three men in convertables

There seems to be some givens of Christmas.

Firstly, you can't please all the people all the time. According to an article I read on Wikipedia this is known as the Liberal Paradox which basically means if you give people the freedom to choose then you can't also guarantee you'll get the optimum result taking into account everyone's preferences.

Secondly, it is the time of the TV Christmas special, such as the "Three men in a boat" series, which in previous years has involved Griff Rhys Jones and pals muck about in boats off Cornwall, Ireland etc. and this time head up to Scotland.

The program was easy on the eye stuff with a nice old classic yacht (see above), but when I say a dramatic highlight was someone's hat been blown into the water you'll understand it wasn't that gripping.

It was blown out of the water, so to speak, by Clarkson and co on Top Gear, aka "the wise three men in convertibles", driving from Iraq to Bethlehem through Turkey, Syria, Jordan, Israel and finally the Occupied Palestinian Territories.

Very entertaining! Trailer to be found here

Also worth checking out the Dr Who special, trailer for which can be found here.

JP's new boat

It's got no name but looks like one of the old America's cup racing boats such as Columbia. The bowsprit is a bit the worse for wear, being in two pieces held together with tape. The resulting lack of tension forward means the mast isn't quite straight.

However it looks very impressive and any clues or suggestions as its true identity would be welcome.

Happy Christmas 2010

Hope everyone has a Happy Christmas!

Still to come - a review of the year a bit like last years 10 favourite posts of 2009 (and how last year it looks now too).

Looking forward to seeing some other reviews of year too, so get posting so have something to good to read over those mince pies.

Dr Pangloss - frozen but alive!

Sensation in the Bah Humbug case when Dr Pangloss appears to be not murdered at all - as can be seen by this picture of him relaxing on a park bench.

Said Inspector Lestrade "This is not an uncommon event. I myself have on several occasions declared that a person had died when in fact they were just asleep. Apparently Dr Pangloss had closed his eyes for a moment as he attempted to work out why the insurance companies refusal to pay JP's bills was evidence of this being the best of all possible worlds".

As a result Professor Plum has been released by the police and later made the following statement: "I was in a bit of a stew thinking I'd been deserted but didn't crumble and am now leaving unbruised by the encounter."

A bit of Christmas cheer for all in which even the bah humbugs were seen to manage a smile.

The Bah Humbug Murder Mystery

Afternoon all. Inspector Lestrade of the Yard here, asking for some assistance in a tricky case of murder. Earlier today the respected philosopher Dr Pangloss was found bashed to death by a lead pipe in his library. He had been writing the following note which we hope might include clues as to circumstances of his demise:

Hello all, welcome to you my friends in this the best of all possible worlds. I've just been having words with my dear friend JP who has been saying a lot of "bah humbug" comments recently and have tried to explain to him how recent events in his life prove this to be the best of all possible worlds (TBOAPW).

The evidence is as follows:

1. The snow a few weeks ago might as JP say make the round trip to his office 4 hours but that allowed him to explore new parts of London and imagine life on the Endurance with Shakleton. Clearly TBOAPW!

2. The fog delaying his flight at Heathrow two weeks ago gave him more time to read his book. Again, clearly TBOAPW!

3. The snow being washed away in Geneva might have meant JP wasn't able to go skiing, but going home early gave him time to do his Christmas shopping and cards. Surely another example that this is TBOAPW.

4. What he has been calling a week of crisis at the office is surely a misnomer. Instead he should say there were many challenges and as we all know a challenge is just an opportunity. So he should see this as more evidence of this being TBOAPW.

5. It might be snowing again (see above) and many relatives are suffering badly from flu, meaning JP is unable to travel this weekend, but that means he can do two more days of work and catch up on all the time lost due to those many "opportunities" he had during the week. Triumphantly an example of this being TBOAPW.

6. It might be true that due to the cold a water pipe burst causing many thousands of pounds of damagers to carpets, ceilings, beds, paintwork etc etc but surely even he could see this as a wonderful opportunity to do a bit of decorating. TBOAPW etc

7. Even if the insurance company is refusing to pay up for the damage this must be a good thing because -

Lestrade again here: that's where the note stopped. As you can see its a mystery and I remain baffled. Any clues to this case please forward to me c/o Scotland Yard.

The truth is out there - Part 2

Ok more from JP's X Files.

The Natural Navigator spotted this object near Venus - full background here - and he's looking for help identifying it.

I'm going with a satellite, but it wasn't a point like object.

Anyway - what do you think?

The truth is out there

A couple of days ago I posted Buff Spaceman's report on the "Spontaneous Crystalline DHMO Alien Sculpture Phenomena" or SCDASP in which he went on to suggest a link between SCDASP with the North Star, saying it was "the focus on an ongoing investigation."

Imagine my surprise when I read on the interwebby thing that NASA, as part of the SETI project, transmitted a message towards Polaris!

Spooky or what.

More on the search for ET in a great BBC4 documentary about the Drake Equation to be found on iPlayer here.

I was going to post a link to the Natural Navigator's puzzle about the picture above (basically asking what's wrong with it) but was too busy so the answer has already been supplied, by, err, me.

Anyhow, head over there so you can say "I could have told you that!"

Then you will see how these two stories are connected.

The Trouble with Pirates

There's an interesting program on the BBC's iPlayer called "The Trouble with Pirates" - you should be able to get it by clicking here (but quickly, it runs out soon).

It tells the story of the pirates from many angles: the sailors they captured, the boat owners, the negotiators - in London and onsite, the navies sent against them and the pirates themselves. 

The irony is that the roots of the problem were caused by the actions of the West. The program notes how the first pirates were the fishermen, driven from their legal trade by factory ships from overseas and dumping of toxic waste. 

What the program didn't cover was what caused this: the West's decision to actively encourage Kenya to invade and attack the governing body, the Islamic Courts Union. The Bush's administrations hostility to the the I-word was to have an unexpected blow-back, with chaos spreading from the land out into the waters.

And there are an awful lot of waters to patrol. The Somali coastline is about the length of the USA's eastern seaboard and the pirates strike many hundreds of miles out to sea.

The "trade" has brought in millions upon millions of dollars. Those who do not participate suffer as inflation drives up the cost of essentials like rice and fish. Pirate enterprises are floated on a "stock market" so that communities can participate in the risk and gain some of the reward.

Two stories in particular were highlighted: the Lemacon's on the French yacht the Tanit and the British Chandlers.

Controversially the Tanit was stormed by French commando's and the skipper Florent Lemacon was killed in front of his wife and son. Ironically the only westerner killed so far was shot not by Somalis but by his own countrymen.

The news about the Chandlers is of course welcome but a long term solution is no closer.

Only by bringing some sort of order to the land can the pirates be tamed, and yet the provisional government is badly funded and peace will likely require some form of involvement of the ICU.

This won't be the last documentary about Somai pirates - though it is a good one, worth catching.

An inspiring encounter

There's a lottery about airline seating: you hope for a beautiful young woman and fear a screaming baby but usually end up with an instantly forgettable stranger with whom you exchange little more than a nod.

On the way back from Geneva there was no way I was to forget who was sitting one seat from me: a man with no hands.

The seat in between was empty and I wondered about etiquette, trying to guess what Debrett's would say. I thought it would be something like "in such encounters no mention should be made of the other's circumstances and conversation should remain on neutral topics such as the weather and books."

Fortunately we both had brought a book to read and the weather was indeed a topical subject and so a polite exchange was possible with just the one "can I help?" But almost always my companion was able to - for example - open and eat bags of cheese puffs unaided.

There was just the one slight hesitation that I noted and afterwards speculated about when I mentioned Geneva and my inability to get up into the mountains to ski, and later after using the crumbs of information I'd gathered into Google searches I learnt why.

For I'd been talking to Jamie Andrew who'd lost not just his hands but all four limbs in those very peaks. As Wikipedia put it:

"In January 1999 Andrew and his friend Jamie Fisher were caught in a storm after having climbed the north face of Les Droites in the Mont Blanc massif. Having made it up the north face, the two men were trapped on the ridge above the face by snow, winds of 90 mph and temperatures of -30°C for four nights. On the last night Fisher died of hypothermia; despite having developed frostbite, Andrew survived the experience, being helicoptered off the mountain by the French rescue service."

Despite those horrific events Jamie has gone on to start a family and go climbing again, and now is a writer and motivational speaker. And I can say from personal experience able to cope amazingly well on his own, reading a book, packing it away in his bag and then carrying it off the plane, heading for his connecting flight.

These are hard times for many, and I've had several conversations in which friends and family have talked about loss of jobs and I've tried to reassure them that life will go on, that even in the worst case scenario it is not the end.

Jamie has shown what is possible even with much greater shocks to the plans we lay out for ourselves. As his web site says: "our greatest limitations are the ones we impose on ourselves. Remember: nothing is impossible!"

An inspiring story.

No snow when you want it

This week is my one and only overseas trip of 2010, to Geneva.

I certainly miss the 2009 excitement of Venezuela, Baku and Georgia, but there is one thing that Geneva offers that these exotic destinations lack, which is the chance to go skiing.

All that you need is snow, and guess what there's been a lot of recently?

Alas the weather gods continue to toy with us mortals, with bad fog delaying the take off from London and heavy rain washing away the snow on arrival.

Sigh.

Did someone mention Hawaii?

Not sailing today

This was what the Natural Navigator's boat looked like on Friday.... which hopefully helps explain why walking looked like a better option for the weekend than sailing.

Walking not sailing

Slightly manic here so might be a couple of breaks between posts.

Anyhow it was a crisp weekend and there was some talk about sailing with the Natural Navigator but in the end there were all sorts of complications so we went walking instead.

Probably just as well as for a lot of Saturday the weather was crisp with little wind and I for one find drifting boring.

Anyhow good conditions for a refreshing walk.

NASA Reveals Alien Message

There was great excitement recently when NASA has announced they were to hold a press conference to discuss alien life. This blog can exclusively reveal its contents having interviewed team leader Buff Spaceman (no relation). Take it away Buff:

Beep! Hello Houston and blog readers. Buff Spaceman here, Buff by name and A-Ok by nature!

We've been researching communications from aliens when we observed a phenomena in which large numbers of the members of the public are driven to create sculptures from crystalline dihydrogen monoxide (DHMO) for apparently no reason and - this is critical - having a similar structure!

Our research suggests that this can only be due to a psychic message from an alien life form that is being picked up by those with subconscious tuned to the right frequencies, a message that makes the recipient driven by forces beyond their knowledge to create solid objects.

This "Spontaneous Crystalline DHMO Alien Sculpture Phenomena" or SCDASP has been observed on a very large scale across high latitudes. This geometry suggests the aliens could live in the direction of the North Star, which is the focus on an ongoing investigation.

What is interesting is that they describe these SCDASP as a "Snow Man". The use of the word "snow" rather than the more correct Crystalline DHMO suggests a sophisticated branding effort by the aliens to make themselves more acceptable to the mass of human population, and the word "man" we are interpreting as an attempt to humanise the non-human.

Already xenobiologists are arguing about what the structure reveals about their life cycle, in particular how they move. One school of thought suggests they bounce on the lower sphere while another suggests they are actually aquatic, form similar to seals but with flippers evolved into arms and hands.

Further research is clearly needed and we would welcome any field observations you might have.

Remember - the truth is out there!

This is Buff Spaceman - A-Ok and out! Beep!

The Crystalline DHMO Projectile Menace

Today we welcome a guest columnist Glenn Beard, a man not afraid to speak out!

Friends, I am here today because I am mad! Mad at our do-nothing government that is putting our children, our country - which I love! - at risk.

The respected experts at Big Bills Inc have spoken out about the dangers of Crystalline DHMO Projectiles and the lack of preparedness of our country, and we should listen to them. For the truth is shocking - let me spell it out

(going to a blackboard and writing)

FACT:  crystalline DHMO is available NOW on the streets of London!

FACT: crystalline DHMO projectiles can be launched at a moments notice!

FACT: our children are at risk from crystalline DHMO projectiles!

(beginning to weep)

Friends, I love our country, and I fear for our children and their future. What must we do to alert the authorities of the danger of crystalline DHMO projectiles? When will the complacency end?

Could it be that the only thing that will waken this country from its slumber if the authorities themselves are targets for crystalline DHMO projectiles?

Now of course it is not for me to threaten, but if an honest member of the public were so enraged by the failings of the current administration to target a crystalline DHMO projectile at our leaders, then there would be many that would understand.

(drying tears)

For I still believe in this country, a land of warm beer and bad cricket!